Return of Lead Legs

***Strong language in this one kids….

 

Normally, when I see that there are running elements in my workouts, I prepare.  Mentally and Physically. I will do stretches through out the day, on my lunch, I will walk on my heels down the hall, push down on my calves as I go up the stairs, you know, little things during the process of my day.  I believe that is what is making it easier for me to run, or saunter-jog if you will.  Well, yesterday, I forgot. SWEET BABY JESUS! Did I ever pay the price!

The first run – I did ok – the second – Oh my Sweet Baby – thought I was gonna die.  I ran the whole thing, but when I was done, my calves were in so much pain, it was really hard to get up the stairs back into the gym.  One of the things I was taught on the stairs is to hang you heels off the stair and press down on them, it helps a lot, but last night – it hurt so bad.

After i made it back into the gym, box jumps was part of the next round. I love box jumps – now that I can do them, I like them a lot.  I could barely get myself on the box.  That was beyond frustrating.

I fucking hate that my body sucks. And I fucking hate that  my body is huge. And I fucking hate that  I am trying to better myself here and I can’t do things!  What the hell?!?!  It is beyond frustrating.  I couldn’t even do the last run.  I have never said ” I can’t” in any workout to any move  since I started.  And last night I said it – ” I can’t do the last run”  It was devastating to me.   Completely devastating.  UGH

I know, I know, it will get better when I lose some of this weight,  but it is such a kick in the stomach, trying to do this and not being able to.

Sorry for the rant, just had to get it out there.

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The Amazing Spider Meg

“Spider Meg, Spider Meg,

Does Whatever a Spider Meg does,                                                          

Climbs the wall,

Falls right down,

Dying there right on the ground,

Look out! Here comes the Spider Meg”

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If you can’t tell, part of tonight’s work out was, Wall Climbs.  Tonight’s WOD was Wall Climbs, Step ups, and Plank Rows.  Going into the work out, I was pretty confident I could do the parts of it and finish my usual last.  Didn’t really factor in the current heat and humidity we are experiencing right now here in New England.  And also not factoring in the combo of my fat ass and the heat and humidity.  So, yeah, that was a great combo.

I was dying during the first set of Wall Climbs.  As each round came, I would lay there face down with my face in my towel.  I suppose I should not even call them Wall Climbs, more like Back up Fall downs…. After laying face down on the floor between reps, once I got back up, I swear to Christ, my arms were gonna collapse.  It was rough.

This whole week has been rough.  I feel sore all over.  I am exhausted.  Maybe its the heat ?  Heat and I have never really been good friends.  Maybe its that I over did it this weekend? I dunno, I just know that this week , has been a rough one.  Its almost like I am in a funk, but not as deep as I usually get and I am not sure why.

I had a REALLY hard time tonight.  Arms trembling, ready to fall over.  I hate that feeling.  I love being pushed and knowing I am accomplishing something.  I hate feeling like I can’t do something.  At one point doing the plank rows,  I thought I could not move my arms.  I was seriously gonna sit and cry.  I know, I know, crying is for girlie bitches, but I was overcome and I didn’t.

 

You know, I have being doing really great at this, losing weight and inches, feeling good.  But when I ever saw myself in pictures from my friends wedding this weekend, I couldn’t help but feel like I had not done a thing.  I know that this is all in my head, and I still have so far to go, but I think I thought I would notice a difference.  I wasn’t expecting to look like I did in high school, ( but wouldn’t that be awesome?), but I thought I would notice a difference.  I know there are changes happening, my clothes fit better, I am down sizes, down pounds and inches.  I guess I can see why so many people give up their journeys.  This takes a long ass time.

 

BUT – MORE THAN ANY OTHER JOURNEY – THIS IS ONE THAT I WILL KEEP SWIMMING ON, I WILL KEEP GOING AND NO MATTER WHAT – I WILL FINISH! NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES!

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Leaving her behind

This past week has had some major achievements for me.

First, there was the running on Saturday – able to run 3 times without stopping each time – fucking HUGE for me!

Then, last night – again, able to run 2 times with out stopping – double HUGE

I was also chosen as Athlete of the Week at my gym .  TRIPLE HUGE!

Just to be nominated is such an honor, lol”  But seriously , besides my family – this is one of my most proudest achievements.  It really floored me to be chosen and what really shocked me, was all the great things people were saying about me.   Me.  Crazy, goofy, loud mouthed, fat assed, Me.  I am completely not used to any of that.  I was almost like ” Where’s Ashton Kutcher? Am I being punked? ”

In the past, I have not generally known for being a positive person, let alone inspiring. I used to be called Morbid Megan. And to see that people see me in a positive light,  I am at a loss.  I am thrilled that I have been told that I am inspiring people to better themselves. I feel good and I know I am laying the foundation to be around for my kids for along time.

I am having a hard time seeing myself in a positive light.  But I am growing, evolving, and this is a journey.  It is not just about the weight loss, the pounds, the inches – it is about ME.  Who I am now and who I will be. We all have our shit to deal with – but even with us being knee deep in the shit – I still feel better than I can ever remember.  That is huge!

I am leaving Morbid Megan behind.  She has done me no good.

This is about making changes, and this my friends – is a freaking big one.  And it is long overdue.  Time to embrace the positive.  Time to embrace the new MEG!

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Obesity a disease? What the frack?

I read that the American Medical Association has classified Obesity as a disease.  I, myself, find this to be horseshit.  How on earth can this be? To be obese, it is a choice. You have made the choice to do nothing, thus leading you to your obese status.

I understand that there are medical issues that may cause you to be heavier than you would like, and I understand there are medications that pack on the pounds.  But – no matter what – you can always do something to get moving and start losing weight.  Staying still never lost a pound.

So what happens now? You are obese and instead of doing something about it, people will file for and most likely get disability.

So, instead of offering more programs for people and making exercise and well being more accessible, we create a bunch of people living off the system cause they love twinkies.

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I know that not everyone will agree with my feelings, but I feel that it is this mentality that is causing the obesity.

When will people take responsibility for themselves and their actions?  Why should they as long as Uncle Sam is there to foot the bill?

WE need to get off our asses and start taking charge of our bodies.  Until we start doing that, the ” Obesity Disease” will continue to spread.

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You gotta make the time to Commit to You!

Last week was very busy for me, and this week proves to be just as busy – culminating at the end with the wedding of my good friends, Andrea and Lowell. So, knowing I will be stuffing my face with all sorts of goodies and most likely being drunk as a skunk, I damn well better make sure I get my workouts in.

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No matter how busy we are, we always have enough time to make excuses.  I should know because I always had an excuse about why I could not work out or why I could not do something. I was famous for not having the right things lined up.  I felt I needed to have things a certain way to best optimize my process.  And when things would go wrong, it would totally knock me off my game. It would set me back and I could not move on.  What a load of crap!  UGH!

Why was I like that?  Why are any of us like that?  I can’t be the only one that struggles or else you wouldn’t be here reading this, lol.

Why is it so easy  to put things off that will actually help us?  And not just for us, but out loved ones?

For me, my weight just kept going up and going up and going up.  I would bitch and moan and kinda do something, but really half assed. I would not put in the work to change what I was bitching about.  I know I drove my husband nuts, cause I would bitch and he would say ” so do something about it”.  And I never really would.

When my weight hit the highest it had ever been, I knew I had to do something.  When all my clothes were so much tighter and I was getting 3x clothes, I knew I had to do something.  I knew I had to do something DIFFERENT.  I was telling myself I had to do something, falling into the same routine and then it happened.  My friend starting telling me about these classes she was taking.  I am thankful everyday that my friend Jamie introduced me to Befit, where I workout and my amazing coaches.  It was the right program for me at the right time.

For each of us, we need to find what works for us.  Christ, it took my 14 years to find what works for me and something I can dive into and something I can progress at.

But honestly, if YOU cannot commit to YOU, why should anyone else?  It has taken me such a long time to understand and really realize this.

Its my hope that along this journey, someone else may take those baby steps sooner than they would have to better themselves.

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So yes, busy week, but you know I am hitting the gym! Worked out last night, tomorrow and Thursday, and even Saturday before the wedding.

NO EXCUSES! NO BULLSHIT!

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Big Moment!

It is no secret that me and the whole running process are not friends.   We are not close acquaintances , we are not casual encounters, we are not 2nd cousins twice removed, we are not neighbors. We have a major dislike for each other.

BUT – I feel that running, is starting to come around….

 

Yesterday, was super duper busy for me.  But I sure as hell made sure I got my workout in .  The old Meg would of said ” F This” and not worked out.  Especially where I knew it was going to be a running work out.  We had not run all week and we usually do 1 time a week at least, plus it was a nice day out.  So, pile all that together and I knew it was coming.

End result – a completely outdoors work out.   We were supposed to run 1 mile, 800m and 400m, in between runs we did Kettlebell swings and broad jumps 3 rounds, then back and run again.

Luckily I got a modification and had to run 800m, 400m and 200m.  It did not bother me to run less than everyone else, I was actually relieved.  So, we line up and get going.  I was mentally preparing myself for this the whole morning.  I kept a slower pace and just kept moving.  Then here it comes, the dumpster, and right after that, the calves turn to lead.

This is what happens every timeEXCEPT TODAY!!!  I made it past the dumpster, then, down around the corner, then up to the fire hydrant, and KEPT GOING!!!! I was able to run all the way back with out stopping!

ANDnot only did I do it on the 800m run, I did it on the 400m run and the 200m run!!!! Holy freakin crap!!!!

I don’t know how, I don’t know why – but all I know is I KEPT SWIMMING!  I kept saying it over and over again, probably sounding like a crazy person talking to myself, but over and over and over again .  My classmates would go by me, we’d high 5 and I kept saying it.

” JUST KEEP SWIMMING, JUST KEEP SWIMMING, JUST KEEP SWIMMING !”

I know it is not a big deal to anyone but me – but to me, this was the biggest deal.  The fact that I did not 1 but 3 running segments without having to stop and stretch out my calves, or stop to catch my breath, or stop because I was just plain dying was so overwhelming.  Right after class, I immediately called my husband, Chad, to tell him about this victory and broke down into tears on the phone with him.  I was completely overcome with emotion.

This simple little task – running – is something I have struggled with, and I know I will continue to struggle, and that is okay.  But this simple task is something so many people can do with no issues, and I get that.

The awesome thing is on Saturday, June 15th, 2013 – I DID IT!

 

Who knows when I will be able to do it again, but I am sure gonna ride this pride for a while.

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What a week!

This week has been quite challenging for me so far, and I have only worked out twice! Mondays lunge workout kicked my ass as you know.  So I was pretty darn sore on Tuesday. Still sore on Wednesday when I had my last class.  It was what seemed to be an easier workout.  It was 10 rounds, but they went pretty quick.  We did Deadlifts, which I had not done before, Wall Balls and Supermans.  I think I did pretty good with the Deadlifts.  Then it was onto the Wall Balls.

SWEET BABY JESUS!

Those squats to do the Wall Balls made my legs burn! And of course I could not squat far enough, so a ball was shoved under my butt, as a marker to make sure I went far enough down.  I thought my legs were gonna fall off.

The Supermans, I didn’t really have too much of a problem with them.

So all in all Wednesday was shaping up to be pretty good – then it hit us –

“BUT WAIT ! THERE’S MORE!!!”

Yup, 30 seconds each, 3 rounds, non stop – Mountain Climbers, Planks, and Bicycles.  That my dear friends, was the killer.  I was complete mush after that.

So here it is Thursday, and I am sore as hell, but good Lord, I love it!   When people say, ” Why are walking funny?” I love to respond that I am sore because of my workouts!

It is such a funny place I am in.

I never in a million years would of thought that I would love working out as much as I do.  I never thought I would depressed that I am only getting in 3 workouts this week instead of my usual 4.

( My son’s birthday is today, so I stayed home…Happy Birthday Jason! )

I never saw myself on THIS path, never.  I am soooo soooo sooo grateful to have found my way through the forest and into the ocean so I can keep swimming along.

I am HAPPY!  For those that know me, you know this is a rare statement.  And honestly these past few weeks our shit has not just hit the fan, but exploded and blew out all over.  It has been a rough rough couple of weeks for us as a family.  I am very happy with me right now.

It is a weird place, but a nice place.

I hope to stay as long as I can .

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Another night of Lunges from Hell….

I swear one of these days, you will read an entry and I will not be bitching about lunges.  But not today 🙂

Sweet Baby Jesus! Walking weighted lunges tonight .  Ugh.  Poor Coach Dan, he gets me on lunge night 2 weeks in a row.  But I gotta tell ya, he was great. Pushed me and I finished all 6 rounds.

SO – yup = Progress!

Finished all 6 rounds AND did not come crashing down! Even more Progress !

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I am sure I had an attractive face like this fellow here when doing them, cause of course working hard means funny grueling faces.  Its like we think that making some dumb ass face will make the move be easier?  Thank goodness we are not posing for Vogue, lol.

 

 

As much as I hate Lunges, I know working on them more will benefit me in the end.  Its pretty bad when you prefer to do Burpees instead of Lunges.

I was freaking dying during the workout, but now that I have recovered, lol, I feel darn good that I finished. I am very thankful my coach let me take the extra time to finish.  I had to keep swimming to get it done!

I can say for the first time, in a long time, maybe ever, that I AM PROUD OF MYSELF! I am doing things I have never done before. I am taking chances. I am believing in myself.  And the best part – I am losing weight and inches!

I have said it before and I will say it again – why the frack did I wait so long to get off my ass?!?!

Happy Lunging all 🙂

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1st Weight Goal Achieved!

I took my first real step to a better lifestyle in February of this year. Just making the decision to do something and eat better was hard enough, then in March I started going to Befit.  I have a lot of weight to lose, Ideally about 120 pounds.  But, I couldn’t look at it that way, I had to break it down.

So first goal – lose 15 pounds.  And today getting on that scale – I am down 16.3 pounds!!!! Holy Shit!

This whole process is simply amazing to me.  Why the frack did it take me so long to get off my ass? What an idiot I was!

The thing is, I see myself in the mirror everyday, as do most of you see yourselves.  But when I look at myself, I don’t see the changes.  I KNOW they are taking place.  I have lost weight and my clothes fit better, even fitting into clothes I haven’t fit into in years – years! I feel better.  I have this crazy NEED to workout.  I LOVE working out! It kills me and totally kicks my ass – but I love it. I Love challenging myself.  I love the pride in finally being able to do something.  I love the fact that I am doing this for me and I am not giving up.

I have really learned that you cannot take the easy way out of this – I got myself into this. It has been a span of 14 years – how the heck can I expect it to come right off?  So glad I don’t think that way anymore.

This is gonna sound corny, but I feel like a Caterpillar, lying in wait in my Cocoon , awaiting to emerge as the beautiful Butterfly I am meant to be.

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Hopefully, I don’t become a Fatty McButterfly like our friend here….

I know there are no butterflies in the sea, but you know what I gotta do here ….
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Keep on swimming folks – we will get there 🙂

Meg

 

 

 

 

 

National Donut Day? Really?

An assortment of Krispy Kreme donuts.

An assortment of Krispy Kreme donuts. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

I just saw on the news that today is National Donut Day.  I cannot imagine why so many people are overweight in the country…. Giving away free donuts? Free tasty, delicious , glazed, yummo balls grams of fat and calories.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE donuts, but this is what is wrong with society. We need to change our brains.  How about FREE Fruit day?  Or Veggie Day? Or FREE Chicken or Beef day?  How about grocery stores do that and offer choices for healthier eating?

 
Just had to rant that.

 

Keep swimming folks!

Meg