Being Ill Prepared – Always ends in a Fail

I was aggravated this morning. Very aggravated. My plan was to go for a run today.  I was so irritated, I threw on my sneakers, grabbed my music and hit the pavement in my pajamas.  I started off great, but after about 5 minutes, the fact that I just went for it and did not stretch, set in. UGH.  What a horrible decision.  Even at that point ” Just Keep Swimming” didn’t even work – it was ” Try not to die” .  So, I changed up to a walk. Just a plain walk.  Let myself down.  I think that is the worst part, I did it to myself.  Not that I am any sort of runner, but I was ready for the challenge and I failed myself.  If I had just taken 10 minutes to stretch out, my legs would not have been as bad and I wouldn’t of been a spazatron.

To boot – after I fail myself and resort to the walk – there is this itty bitty chick running around past me.  What ever, I was thinking, like, Really? Was that God’s way of saying – ” Next time stretch , ass hole.”  No, I think it was when she lapped me as I attempted walking.  Seriously? I do not know this person at all, but it was like she was sent from the God’s to mock me and my failure.  Like ” Haha bitch, get back out there and run!” I failed. Massive fail.

So today’s lesson kids is : Stretch! Before your workout! Duh. Ugh.

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More Progress!

So, I have been kicking around the idea of posting my ” Before ” pictures.  I put it off for a long time, mainly because I was horrified at the thought of seeing them.  But this is a process and I need to be real and up front with myself or else, I will never move forward. So , I made a page to track my progress and there I will post pictures through the journey. Click over to My Progress Tracker.    You can see my ” before” pics and my current pictures.  I have to admit, seeing the pictures was pretty emotional.  And my kids had some great comments. My favorite from my daughter Maddie was ” You’re butt sure is bigger in that first one! ” And she is right, my butt is bigger in the older picture.  I was really terrified to even look at the pictures, mainly because, what if there was no difference? What if I couldn’t see it?  I feel it, and I see myself everyday, so I guess I don’t notice it.  but seeing the pictures together, it was pretty cool.

In other news, silly little thing I want to share.  I have 2 amazing sisters, Rachel and Caitlyn.  Both younger and smaller than me. We go for walks fairly often.  We were out for a walk the other night and I noticed our shadows. Mainly mine.  The big thing I noticed, was , my legs weren’t as bumpy as they usually were! Silly, I know, but it is those little things that count the most.

Today’s WOD:

For starters, we had our warmup.  Added into this was a 45 second plank.  I know I was just able to hold a plank for a minute, but still, that shit ain’t easy.  But today, surprisingly, I didn’t have too much of a problem, I held the plank no problem.  Progress!

Then the WOD was 10 rounds  –    10 Dumbbell Step Ups – I used 22 lb weights and had a 12″ box with a 25 lb plate on it = 2″ for a total of 14″. 10 Floor Presses – I used the 22 lb weights, then we did 20 Double Unders or 40 Regular jumps – I still can’t do the DU so I did the regular ones.  My total time for this was 22:59.  I was proud of that.  My rope jumping has come a long, long ,long way.  Just wish I could do the Double Unders. But still Progress!

Everyday, I still tell myself ” Just Keep Swimming” and by golly it’s working! Don’t give up folks!

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A Step is still moving forward – no matter how small

Hello there everyone!

Last night at class – I was a massive Fail. Massive.   We did 200 meter sprints.  My 3rd sprint – I hit a dip in the pavement and rolled my ankle.  I had to do slam balls for the rest of the class. I was soooo frustrated! But I had to look at this in a positive way. Before the sprints we did a 400 m run, and I think I did pretty good with that. So that was my positive.  I HAVE to find a positive in everything or else, I am going to fail… That has always been my problem, I find a negative and fail, fall off the wagon and end up back at square one. Not this time.

Tonight, I went into class determined.  We did The” Danny ” Hero WOD. It is supposed to be 20 AMRAP of 30 Box jumps, 20 Push Press and 30 Pull ups. I completed 2 full rounds and 1/3 of the 3rd. So here is the breakdown of what I did and my modifications:

Box jumps = usually I use the 12″ box, which I have been very confident on, but I do need to go higher, 18″ was too high, so we added a plate and I am guessing around 14-15″.  I was intimidated and we actually had a higher plate at first, but once I got going I was great.  I completed 3 rounds of 30 jumps = 90 jumps

Push Press= knowing we had push press tonight, I referred to my journal to see how heavy I had gone last time we did overhead lifting.  Last weight I did was 55 lbs.  So preparing myself, I knew I had to do at least 55 lbs.  Setting up my barbell, I was going to jump right to 55, but went with 45 to start, just to make sure I was thinking the right thing. And it was too light. I moved up to 55 lbs.  Surprisingly, I feel like I owned it! I felt like a machine ! It was awesome! I completed 2 rounds of 20 lifts and 6 into the 3rd round = 46 presses

Pull Ups = CHA RIGHT! Haha, yeah, no go on the pullups – so it was ring rows instead. I hate ring rows! I completed 2 rounds of 30 rows = 60 rows

For some reason tonight – I feel awesome! I can see my progression. I feel my progression.  I am ACTUALLY improving! This is such an incredible feeling.  Even though these are small steps , all these steps are carrying me to where I need to be.  Every small step counts.  Just Keep Swimming.

DON’T EVER GIVE UP! As long as you do it one more rep or 1 step farther or 1 jump more than last time, you are on your way.  This is a long journey, if we wait til the end to celebrate, what fun is that? Find your victories! Cherish them! Embrace each little moment for the highs and the lows of where you were.

Never give up!

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Thanks for joining the swim!

Hi Everyone!

I just want to take a moment to thank all you amazing people who are coming along for the swim here.  I get such great feedback and I have been introduced to some awesome bloggers.  I love reading your stories and your journeys.  I think we have a wonderful community of support and really, does it get better than that?! No way!  I also have a Facebook Page ,.  

Come on over and check it out! I share some things and quotes and pics.  I would love to hear from you! How are you doing on this journey? Ups? Downs? Go ahead and share.  You can also email me at .

Now down to this week so far….

My beautiful niece Hope , just turned 2, her party was Sunday.  One of our favorite appetizers is Pizza Dip.  Totally not healthy, not good for you, but wicked yummo.  My sister made some, so of course, I indulged. Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, was it good!  Then of course, the cupcakes, funfetti.  It was all over.  Stick a fork in me,  I am done.  So Sunday, was delicious, but a massive fail on the health meter.

Yesterday, a Cheesecake made its way to the work fridge – and you guessed it – It was all over.  I LOVE Cheesecake, like seriously, freakin love the stuff.  I have not had it in a while.  It tasted soooo good!  But as soon as the last creamy bite crossed my lips, I felt the Ugh.  Ugh at myself, Ugh at the Cheesecake, Ugh at my willpower and how it betrayed me.  Just total ugh.  I was the Mayor of Ugh City.  For my penance, I was looking forward to class last night.

We did cleans, squat thrusters and V- ups.  Yeah, it would be great if I could do a proper squat.  It is so damn irritating, that I cannot get it down right, then I over think it when I try it further screwing up.  I just wish my body would do what it is supposed to do.  ARRGG!   My V- Ups were more of ” Shin Ups” Since I can’t get to my toes, but boy does my core hurt today, but its a good hurt.  🙂

Then we stretched out with some bands.  So I am lying there, band around my foot, attempting to keep my leg in the air when they say to move your leg across your body while keeping your arm on the ground.  My leg rolled over and I just kinda rolled there through the movements.  Trying to move back, rolled. Trying a different move, more rolling.  I was like a damn Weeble, rolling around, laughing away.  Hey, at least I can laugh at myself!

images-1Tomorrow night is sprints, You know me and my running – Tune in tomorrow to see how I do!

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Progess – it’s a good thing!

So, this week my challenge was the 5 classes I signed up for.  Didn’t work out so well…. Got out of work late on Thursday and have so much going on tomorrow, that I just canceled the class.  But still got in 3 classes this week, as well as my 3.7 mile walk on Sunday.  I am happy with that.

This week we did a lot of barbell work.


I know, not barbells, but I think they are funny 🙂

Monday we did Push jerks, I did 45 lbs, then we had overhead barbell lunges- my lunges have gotten so much better, but I still struggle, so I just used the training bar 15lbs, then ring rows and mountain climbers.  I kept struggling with the lunges, and my coach Jane gave me a pep talk, and I could do them, I just needed confidence.

See, that is one of the things I freakin love about my gym.  The coaches are amazing people.  They lift you up and help you do better. Give you goals to strive for and find the positive through your frustration.  I have nothing else to compare them to, but I am forever in debt to them for helping me on this journey.  I can only hope I do them proud in my months to come.  I hope all of you reading along have got a great support system, it really makes a difference, in all aspects.  I know I have said this before, but my family is awesome.  My kids know I am trying to get healthy and they support me and are positive about it. My son Jason even came with me on my 3.7 mile walk.  Cheering me on. To hear they are proud of me is something that makes me feel like Super Woman.   He even mentioned ” Just Keep Swimming” and how its my motto to keep going,  How great is that? I am blessed.


Jason and I on our walk


Okay, back to the workouts : Wednesday we did Barbell Clean practice, then back squats – I had 55 lbs, and Hand Stand Push ups , not on the wall yet, but on a box, better than the ground I guess. The fact that I could do the back squats was crazy, let alone the 100 we had to do.  Then tonight we practiced our rope climbs, or my Tarzan Swing.  So, I have never been able to get myself on the rope.  Tonight I was able to geet myself on the rope off the ground, just enough to swing, lol, add the grass skirt and I was Tarzan! At least I got off the ground , and if its progress I will take it! Then we did deadlifts – 115 lbs.  We also had to do ring dips – I tried to do them, I was able to get one leg on the band, but I can’t lift myself up to do the dip.  I can swing, but can’t get myself up enough to do the darn dip.  That aggravates me to no end.  I thought by now I would be able to do these. UGH!!!! So I had to resort to bench dips.  Then it was 50 double unders, which is something else I can’t do, so it was 150 regular jumps – all this for 4 rounds.  Surprisingly, I had a much easier time jump roping than I remember.  I was able to jump 60 times without having to stop – usually I get to about 25-30 if I am lucky.  I consider this progress. I also finished first tonight – which is crazy to me.  Probably cause I was the only one doing the bench dips, but, it is a rare occasion  that I finish first, so I will take it!!

In other news, I have mentioned before my wonderful luck in my hand me downs . One of my items is a XL shirt from Old Navy.  I wore it yesterday. The shirt fit! Holy Crap! A normal , not plus size, no W in the size shirt actually fit me !!!!! Its the little moments and little victories that mean the most.  The subtle differences that go the long way.

As you can tell, I talk alot about this journey, this process.   I tell people straight up how I have lost 28 pounds and how I am still losing and getting healthy.  It’s no bullshit.  I am the living embodiment of hard work and doing this the right way.  There are no pills, no fad diets,  no wraps, it is blood, sweat and tears.  It’s dedication and hard work.  Dedication to myself.  How many of us really have that? Or if we do, how long did it take us to find ourselves?  This is a lifestyle.  If you are serious about losing weight and getting fit, you need to be dedicated and you need to be ready.  All those years of bitching I was fat, yes, I acknowleged it , but I wasn’t ready to make the move.  I may of said I was, but my actions said otherwise.  There are no excuses.  If you want to do – then you will do it.  And my dear friends, I am doing it. And I am loving it! Find your passion, find your drive and don’t let go!  Just Keep Swimming !!!!!

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A Week of Highs and Lows

Things are returning to their normal schedule here in our household.  Back to my normal schedule for classes.  Worked out Monday, Wednesday and Thursday this week.  Mondays work out was tough, but I did it.  I am still having trouble with my squats and doing them properly,  attributed to my tight quads I suppose.  I had to resort to a rolling against a yoga ball on the wall to get them done properly, which I will admit, was pretty fun.

Wednesday we did planks.  As you can imagine with this hefty body, planks suck.  I can barely do them for 30 seconds, let alone the minute we had to do.  I know, as you are reading this, you are probably like ,its just a minute, no biggie.  Well, my friends – TRY IT.  It is not so easy.  So, of course I am struggling.  We had to do (3) sets of 1 minute planks.  First one, I think I held for about 30 seconds and had to drop.  Which is frustrating as hell to me.  Second set, my coach, Holly, said I want you to go for 40 seconds.  So we begin, and I was able to do at least 40 seconds before dropping.  Then, the 3rd set. We get up and she starts going ” you’re gonna do it Meg! Don’t you drop! You got it! Don’t drop Meg! Don’t drop! ” And I didn’t!!!!!! I held on by the grace of God for the whole minute!!!!!

Meg's Plank

Me doing my plank. I am the big gal in the pink shirt in the front. Photo Credit: Holly Leonard , BeFit Health and Wellness

After the planks, we had Kettle Bells swings and box jumps. I love box jumps. Now that I can do them, I really enjoy them. Kettle Bells on the other hand, not so much.  Plus, this night my weight was increased. I usually do the 26 lb and I was moved up to 36 lb.  My heaviest ever. Where I was standing in the gym, I was facing a window and since it was getting dark, I could see my reflection really well, like a mirror. It was horrible.  I thought, ” How motivating it would be” and instead, I saw this gross blob trying to exercise.  Sweet Baby Jesus, do I make some ugly ass faces when working out.  I suppose we all kinda do, but you just never see your self.  In my head I guess I would see myself as stronger and instead, I was just disgusting.  At least, I felt like I was.  Ugh.

Then we come to Thursday. We had dead lifts and 400 m runs.  I really wasn’t too worried about the runs since I have done the mile without stopping, I figured a few 400’s I could do. Slow of course , but doable.  We worked on our dead lifts first, I was able to get up to 120 lbs.  My heaviest yet! I was pretty happy with that.  Then in the WOD, we did lighter dead lifts, then the runs.  I was down to 95 lbs, we had to do 10 dead lifts, then run 400.  First set, I could do, slow, but not too bad.  Second set – forget about it.  Dead lifts went ok, but the running sucked – badly.  I couldn’t do it without walking. My legs were killing me.  I was so damn pissed. Incensed really.  I told myself, I am doing the next set and I will do the run with out stopping.  My body had other plans, I had walk even more then the third set.  I was furious! What the hell was going on?!?! I have not worked so hard to complete these to fail now.  So, of course, I was voicing my frustration to my coach, Jane.  And her with all her brilliance – made me see the light.  She said that I had lifted more than ever before and that put some more strain on my body. I essentially sacrificed my run for my lift.  But since it was a victory lift, it was ok.  Take the good with the bad.  So yes, I was pissed, but by the end of class, I was feeling better about my accomplishment of the night.   Thanks for the pep talk Jane!

I am signed up for 5 classes next week.  Let see how I do!

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Don’t let me get me

So, this week has not gone the way I want – like, at all. Monday, was Labor Day, I had to work, not bad, but there was no class on Monday due to the Holiday. Understandable, so I signed up for Weds, Thurs and Sat.  So great, gonna make class 3 times this week.  I was excited to get back into my routine, kids in school, me in class!

Cha right! Wednesday I made the horrible decision to purchase my lunch from a local mexican restaurant (that will remain nameless) on rt 1 in Lynnfield.  Not even a half hour after eating, my stomach turned, I was in so much pain and in the bathroom so much I would not stay at work, let alone go to class that night.  It was horrendous.  I can’t say for certain that it was the food I ate that made me sick, but according to everyone I spoke to , I had classic food poisoning.  It did not clear my system until 8 that night.  Ugh.  So Wednesday – no workout 😦

Then, Thursday my kids had off of school, which meant my son did not have band practice, so I had to get in some school shopping that night, because they needed supplies and I could no longer put it off. So Thursday – no workout 😦

Come to today – I was signed up for the 8 am class since that was the only class open.  I was psyched to go to class. Ah – no.  My husband had to work, and my son had band practice at 9 am.  I tried to find him a ride, to no avail.  There was no way I could go to class and get him to practice on time.  So today – no workout 😦

I know how this all sounds, like I am a whiny bitch.  I get it. 

One one hand, I am a Mom and wife.  They come first.  All other things take a back seat to my family.  On the other hand, I need to do things for ME. Just for ME.  And my classes, they are like oxygen, I need them. I know, I am being dramatic, but I need them! I have come so far in these 5 months.  I need to keep going.  I am terrified when I miss a class or can’t get to class that I will fall into the old routine.  One class will become 2 , then 3 and then I am back up to 269.7 pounds.  These are my patterns and this is a journey.  I just don’t want to make the same mistakes that got me here in the first place.  I am trying to conquer myself.  Does that even make sense? I don’t know. 

What I do know is – I am going to head out for a walk/possible jog after this post.  Then come in and do some exercises.  It’s not the same as my classes.  There is no support and no one pushing me, but it is better than doing nothing.  So I can at least try and stay loose for my return to class next week.

I am trying to change .  I am trying to be better at me.  All of this will make me better for my family.  That is why it is so damn important that I don’t fail.  I can’t let me get me.

I cherish my successes.  I know I sound corny, but I am so damn proud of what I have done, for me this is fantastic.  I just don’t want to lose this or this feeling.

Sorry for the rant today folks, just had to get it out.

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My kids are back to school today .  Not only does it make me feel old to have a high schooler, but I wish summer wasn’t over.

I have been trying on my days off of class to do some form of exercise, be it a walk or a run, something.  So, Sunday, I convinced my husband to go out with me.   He wouldn’t run, but we had a long walk.  We talked a lot about fitness and working out.  His reasons for not and my rebuttals shooting him down.  One of the things he commented was that ” it was like talking to a new Megan”  Coming from my husband who I have seen every day for just about 20 years, this meant a lot.   We walked over 2 miles, and honestly I probably could of gone farther.

I am a new Megan.  I have pride in myself and my fitness.  I have goals.  I have a direction.  I may bobble on my path, but I don’t fall off of it.  My wagon may get into a fender bender, but it is not a total loss like it was before.  I am adapting and yes, this is a slow process, but I wouldn’t change it for a moment.  I am learning about myself, my body and people in general.  We all have greatness within us, its just lighting the spark and taking the chances that makes the difference.

Most of you have ended up here because we are on the same journey, some of us just starting out, some months in, some years in, but who cares how long its taking?  WE are doing better for ourselves.  Its a process and a lifestyle change.  Kudos to us for keeping to it and perservering!

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, and everyone one of those happenings shaped and molded us into the people we are today.

I choose to reflect on how I was, how I felt ,= and I am making damn sure she is not coming back!  I just gotta think of how good right now feels and how it will feel even better when I have more months under my belt.

Change is good.  Change is necessary.  We have to keep moving forward.  Keep  swimming  when we feel we have given all we can. Keep swimming  when you have sweat coming out of your eyeballs. Keep swimming when your body aches and it hurts to move.  It’s all good!  Its all great!


Never ever ever give up!

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