Who am I ?

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TO ALL THOSE WHO GAVE ALL FOR US, THANK YOU.

TO ALL THOSE WHO CONTINUE TO GIVE THEIR ALL FOR US, THANK YOU.

 

This blog as most of you know is about my journey.  The good, the bad, the ugly, the ridiculous, the hilarious, the struggles and the triumphs.  This year, I will admit, I am really not proud of myself at all.  Honestly, I am really in a funk and I freaking hate it.  So , of course, you are saying to yourself,  ” So do something about it”.  Of course, that is the obvious answer.  And Lord knows I am trying.  This lack of working out and extreme funk is effecting me on all levels.  I suppose I never would of that that it would, but I guess the reality is, I have changed my life , I have changed my lifestyle. Weather or not, I am sticking to it, is one thing, but my body is reacting to the lack of exercise for certain.  Thank goodness I am still holding onto my size drop, but alas, there have been pounds gained.

I LOVE working out.  I am dying during it, but the rush when the workout is completed , is like nothing I have felt before.  I really think that for such a long time I felt so bad about myself.  My self esteem was horrible, I suppose on some level it still is, but through this journey, I have shown myself that I am pretty darn amazing 🙂

I want to continue and I want to get out of my funk.  If I could find a way to workout everyday, I would so do it.  I guess all of this is about balance.  I just need to find mine.

I did get a run in today.  Felt good to get moving.  Did not run as far as I would of liked, but a run is a run.  I will so not be ready for my color run on Saturday, but thats okay.  A bunch of my gym buddies will be there, so it will be fun.

When I started this, one of my goals was to run a 5k.  I did my first 5k last November.  The more I get to know my body and workout more,  I kinda think I am over running.  I would so much rather lift weights and do a workout than run.  Don’t get me wrong, I still will run and still want to be able to run, but as far as the bucket list is concerned, we met that goal. lol.

One of the biggest things about me, is I can’t keep my emotions or my feelings in.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I am a horrible liar. I am honest and upfront.  I suppose it is good and bad, but it is what it is.  I don’t know how to not be like that.  I like sharing my life, I like sharing my stories, I like hearing people and their stories.  I guess that is why I enjoy this whole blogging world.

So, yeah, I share my gym stories good or bad with those around me.  Sometimes, I can tell my kids don’t want to listen. And my husband, forget about it.   But my momma, welp, she always listens to me. I can call her up and start spouting off my workout and she just listens.  I have called her and literally said ” I know you will have no idea what I am talking about, but just listen” and she does.  I don’t always say it, but it means the world to me.    And it’s not just workout stuff, I can call her with anything.  I think we all need that person we can just vent to and let go with.  Thank you Mum!

I guess this is kinda a mish mosh of thoughts, but its been kinda a mish mosh day.  Here is to a great week for all of us!

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Red to Gray

 

Did I say UGH?

Cause what I meant was UGH.

 

 

Let me just start off by saying how ugh I am right now . I am so incredibly pissed at myself and Wednesday nights workout was the icing on the damn cake .

I realize I have sucked lately , I am trying to get my groove back and failing miserably . I am trying to eat better and get this extra weight off that I put back on , I think I’m doing good and bam! Wednesday failure , fucking ugh . And I have no one to blame but myself but, throw me a fricken bone here !

So yesterday , here’s what happened:
Wednesdays workout was :
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 thrusters (I used 60 lbs)
20-18-16-14-12-10-8-6-4-2 box jumps ( I used 12″ box with 45 lb plate )
So it was thrusters, box jumps , thrusters , box jumps , you get the idea. I love box jumps , since I have been able to get on the box , it is my most favorite move , by far . So I was pumped for this , figured I could finish this in the time given. Thrusters would suck but I could do this . Timer goes off and we start going . For as long as I can remember when ever I do any sort of physical activity, my face gets red, I can feel it. Always been that way . This was an intense workout so of course I am going to be red. I didn’t think too much of it when my coach Jane came over to check on me , they usually check in with everyone , we get amazing personal attention . But as the workout went on , I could tell I was off , way off , to the point where I knew I had to stop. I was fighting back tears because I once again let myself down on something I CAN do and do pretty well. I stood by the window to get some fresh air and Jane checks in on me again and tells me I have gone from ” bright red to gray” a hilarious thought actually but serious and shitty . I sat down , I was shaking , trying to breathe / catch my breath. I just sat there and watched the rest of the class finish . My friend Jen, grabbed me a protein bar and it hit me that I hadn’t eaten much that day . I wolfed that sucker down . What a fuckin idiot I was , I was doing this workout and only ate a bowl of American chop Suey the whole day ! So stupid !

I  feel like I am constantly failing myself and its driving me nuts.  This journey is all me.  No one decides this – just me.  It is so mental its crazy.  I have been stuck and I swear its tar.  I was so upset driving home.

But, it was just one workout.  One day.  As much as I feel stuck and frustrated, the old me would of been derailed.  So, what did I do?

I went right back to class Thursday and was psyched!

Thursday I finished my workout in time and PR’d my Front Squats! Oh Fucking Yeah!

Here is how I did:

Front Squat Strength 5×3

3 x 65lbs, 3 x 65 lbs, 3 x 75 lbs, 3x 75 lbs, 3 x 80 lbs! <—————   PR BABY!!!

Workout for Time

5 Rounds

5 Ring Dips

25 Double unders

Time 11:54

I am still on the green band to assist with my dips, but I was finally able to lock my arms and keep the rings closer to me.  It felt great!  The DU, Coach Holly let me use her speed rope.  Boy! I did so much better than I have done lately with them.  I whipped the shit out of myself, but I did more DU’s than I have in such a long time, it felt so good.

 

Now, the ultimate sign, that yes, I am growing and changing.  Today my office got take out from Kelly’s Roast Beef.  A Boston classic.  I have written before about their cheesy fries.  Good Lord are they delicious.   I opted for the grilled chicken sandwich.  Yes, I suppose a salad would of been the healthiest choice, but for me, resisting the cheesy fries as they danced in front of me, tray after tray after delicious tray, was a VICTORY.

 

 

I have to keep swimming along, if I don’t , I am going to sink to the bottom, and AIN’T NO BODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

For those who have seen the Sweet Brown Video – enjoy.  If you have not seen it, check it out.   It is Hilarious!

 

This gave me a chuckle!

This gave me a chuckle!

 

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Sabbatical ovah!

Hi there everyone!!!

A lil bit of my Massachusetts accent coming out in the post name, lol!

Boy, I didn’t realize how long its been since my last post.  I have so much to say and so many directions to go in.  Bear with me 🙂

Funked

First off, I need to acknowledge my funk.  Honestly, I am so frustrated with myself right now, I am just sick about it.  This time last year, I was deep into working out and making changes and seeing results.  Now, I am still working out, not as much for whatever reason, but I need to get back into it and make sure I am doing at least 3 days a week if not more.  I wish I could work out every day, seriously.  I have been stuck since December.  Still maintaining what I lost in terms of inches.  Still rocking the size 16, lol.  But I have gained back a few pounds.  Ugh.  I think part of my problem is my nutrition and lack there of .  I know I have talked about it before.  I am trying to find what works for me, cause I will never be a salad girl.  A work in progress still.  But I don’t want to focus on that right now in this post.   Another thing is it seems since I have plateaued my drive has not been as much or as strong.  I think that is the thing that bothers me the most.  I am vowing to get myself back on the right path.  I seriously tell myself to keep swimming to keep going.

So what if I hit a rather large bump along the road?  It is not going to hold me down.  No freakin way.  I have too much to get fit for.  Which leads me to my next topic:

Who Keeps you Healthy?

I was asked my friends over at the American Recall Center  to participate in their “Who Keeps You Healthy?” segment.  It sounds easy, but this is a great question.  One I ask of all of you as well.  Who does keep you healthy?   For me, it is most definitely my family.  I am doing this for myself, but I am doing it for my family, to be here and be present and be part of the exciting moments with them, actively,  not on the side lines.  This was so real for me recently.

I was lucky enough to be able to take one of my vacation weeks during April Vacation with my kids.  I don’t think that since I started working I have been able to do this.  Our first day of vacation, we went bowling with family and friends.  Bowling may not seem like a crazy physical activity to most, but to someone over weight there is a lot of bending and picking up involved, and don’t forget finding some shoes that fit, lol.  I had a pretty easy time of it!  Yuppers!

Cousins! My daughter Maddie and nephew Dexter waiting their turn to bowl!

Cousins! My daughter Maddie and nephew Dexter waiting their turn to bowl!

The next day was the big test for me.  We went to Battleship Cove in Fall River.    It’s this cool place where they have decommissioned battleships, submarines and other cool old military stuff. It never occurred to me that there may be tight spaces to squeeze through, or that the whole place was tight spaces.  When we entered the first ship, I was thinking that my kids are going to see me get stuck in a door or tight space, and how embarrassed I was going to be, and worst yet, how embarrassed my kids were going to be.  But as we started through the ships, it wasn’t so bad.  I was able to move about without an issue.  No stuck bums here!  This is exactly why getting myself together and getting fit is so important to me.  To be able to have fun with my kids is priceless.  Here are some of our pictures from our day:

 

 

Let me take a Selfie! Lol

Let me take a Selfie! Lol

My son Tyler and I

My son Tyler and I

My son Jason, my daughter Maddie and I

My son Jason, my daughter Maddie and I

See how small those doors are?!

See how small those doors are?!

She was so excited to take a picture with the " Shark Boat"

She was so excited to take a picture with the ” Shark Boat”

You can see how big the battleship is in this picture

You can see how big the battleship is in this picture

THIS IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!

I am blessed that I am able to do these things now, I would of struggled so much before if I attempted it.  I am still a work in progress, but boy! Is this a great ” SWIM” or what?!?!?   SO folks, WHO drives you? Who helps you? Who is your cheerleader? We all have people that push us weather they know it or not.  I’d love to hear who your  team is!

My Workouts !/ Gym Time!

Even though I have been in a funk, I have still be making it to the gym at least 2 x week, not impressive, I know, but still, better than nothing.   Here are some of my recent workouts :

5 Rounds for time

200m plate run with 25 lb plate

15 Vups – supposed to be TTB, but we are not there yet and it was a lot, Vups will work on getting me to TTB

3 Rope Pull Ups – supposed to be rope climbs – Cha!

My time was 27:38

The run with the plates, whoa nelly.  That was tough.  I started my ” Just Keep Swimming” , gets me through 🙂

6 rounds for time

6 HSPU – on the wall, bending my arms and able to dip a bit 🙂

10 Power Cleans – 65 lbs

14 Alternating R/L pistols ( with rings)

My time was 23:11.

I gotta say, I freaking love doing HSPU, Can’t wait til I get to the point where I can bend all the way and push all the way back up!

10 Min AMRAP Box Jumps and Hang Cleans

5 Box Jumps 12″ box with 45 lb plate on top

5 Hang Cleans 75 lbs

10 Box Jumps 12″ box with 45 lb plate on top

5 Hang Cleans 75 lbs

15 Box Jumps 12″ box with 45 lb plate on top

5 Hang Cleans 75 lbs

20 Box Jumps 12″ box with 45 lb plate on top

5 Hang Cleans 75 lbs

15 Box Jumps 12″ box with 45 lb plate on top

I was happy with this – even more happy because I thought I was doing 65 lbs and I was doing 75! PR!

We also did strength that night.  Push Press.

I totally PR’d by getting up to 80 lbs!!! Yea ME!

30 Min time Cap – Running Burpees Squats

400 m run

10 Burpees

40 BW squats

200 m run

20 Burpees

40 BW squats

400 m run

30 Burpees

Thats as far as I got.  Running is now being incorporated since the weather is better here.  I have been using a calf stretcher before every class, OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS! Is that thing awesome!  It soooooo helps me.  Now, I can I get a sports bra that will hold these girls and a something to make my butt stop jiggling then this running thing is gonna be easy!

Forging Ahead

So folks, there you have it.  The past month or so rolled up .  If anything has become clearer to me, its that THIS IS A JOURNEY. And Journeys, my friends, take time.  I can’t let this recent bout derail me.  I am going to keep Swimming !  I gotta.  So what if things are exactly the way I planned them?  I love working out and I am going to continue with Cross Fit.  I can’t imagine my life without it! It is such a rush when I PR! It keeps me going.  This is a lifestyle now, and I will live it every day.

Until Next time folks! Don’t forget to catch me on Facebook too!

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