Red to Gray

 

Did I say UGH?

Cause what I meant was UGH.

 

 

Let me just start off by saying how ugh I am right now . I am so incredibly pissed at myself and Wednesday nights workout was the icing on the damn cake .

I realize I have sucked lately , I am trying to get my groove back and failing miserably . I am trying to eat better and get this extra weight off that I put back on , I think I’m doing good and bam! Wednesday failure , fucking ugh . And I have no one to blame but myself but, throw me a fricken bone here !

So yesterday , here’s what happened:
Wednesdays workout was :
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 thrusters (I used 60 lbs)
20-18-16-14-12-10-8-6-4-2 box jumps ( I used 12″ box with 45 lb plate )
So it was thrusters, box jumps , thrusters , box jumps , you get the idea. I love box jumps , since I have been able to get on the box , it is my most favorite move , by far . So I was pumped for this , figured I could finish this in the time given. Thrusters would suck but I could do this . Timer goes off and we start going . For as long as I can remember when ever I do any sort of physical activity, my face gets red, I can feel it. Always been that way . This was an intense workout so of course I am going to be red. I didn’t think too much of it when my coach Jane came over to check on me , they usually check in with everyone , we get amazing personal attention . But as the workout went on , I could tell I was off , way off , to the point where I knew I had to stop. I was fighting back tears because I once again let myself down on something I CAN do and do pretty well. I stood by the window to get some fresh air and Jane checks in on me again and tells me I have gone from ” bright red to gray” a hilarious thought actually but serious and shitty . I sat down , I was shaking , trying to breathe / catch my breath. I just sat there and watched the rest of the class finish . My friend Jen, grabbed me a protein bar and it hit me that I hadn’t eaten much that day . I wolfed that sucker down . What a fuckin idiot I was , I was doing this workout and only ate a bowl of American chop Suey the whole day ! So stupid !

I  feel like I am constantly failing myself and its driving me nuts.  This journey is all me.  No one decides this – just me.  It is so mental its crazy.  I have been stuck and I swear its tar.  I was so upset driving home.

But, it was just one workout.  One day.  As much as I feel stuck and frustrated, the old me would of been derailed.  So, what did I do?

I went right back to class Thursday and was psyched!

Thursday I finished my workout in time and PR’d my Front Squats! Oh Fucking Yeah!

Here is how I did:

Front Squat Strength 5×3

3 x 65lbs, 3 x 65 lbs, 3 x 75 lbs, 3x 75 lbs, 3 x 80 lbs! <—————   PR BABY!!!

Workout for Time

5 Rounds

5 Ring Dips

25 Double unders

Time 11:54

I am still on the green band to assist with my dips, but I was finally able to lock my arms and keep the rings closer to me.  It felt great!  The DU, Coach Holly let me use her speed rope.  Boy! I did so much better than I have done lately with them.  I whipped the shit out of myself, but I did more DU’s than I have in such a long time, it felt so good.

 

Now, the ultimate sign, that yes, I am growing and changing.  Today my office got take out from Kelly’s Roast Beef.  A Boston classic.  I have written before about their cheesy fries.  Good Lord are they delicious.   I opted for the grilled chicken sandwich.  Yes, I suppose a salad would of been the healthiest choice, but for me, resisting the cheesy fries as they danced in front of me, tray after tray after delicious tray, was a VICTORY.

 

 

I have to keep swimming along, if I don’t , I am going to sink to the bottom, and AIN’T NO BODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

For those who have seen the Sweet Brown Video – enjoy.  If you have not seen it, check it out.   It is Hilarious!

 

This gave me a chuckle!

This gave me a chuckle!

 

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