Ice Cream Without Borders

I think Depeche Mode sang it best :

“People are people
So why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully

So we’re different colors
And we’re different creeds
And different people have different needs
It’s obvious you hate me
Though I’ve done nothing wrong
I’ve never even met you so what could I have done

I can’t understand
What makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand”

Right now , in America, we are coming apart at the seams.  I don’t usually  get PC, but I just want to point this out – you , me, Bob down the street, the cashier at the store, every professional athlete, every politician, every man, woman , and child no matter what parts you were born with and choose to recognize –

UNDER OUR SKIN – WE ARE ALL EXACTLY THE SAME

Crazy = right? But seriously  think about it.  We all have organs, blood, veins, bones.  We are all the same, just wrapped in different packages.

If ice cream came in a box instead of a bowl or a cone- would you still eat it?

Damn right you would – who is gonna say no to ice cream? Its the same concept – same on the inside – different way of packaging it.  Ice Cream comes with nuts or without, chocolate or vanilla, sugar free or smooth and creamy. So many different varieties – it is awesome!!!  It is literally the beauty of ice cream.  What is your favorite flavor?  Mine is black raspberry or reverse chip ( chocolate ice cream with white chocolate chips, it is soo hard to find, if you do find it – do not deny yourself!!!)

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I think we should look at the world as our ice cream social .  All these different varieties .  And you know what ? If you don’t like one flavor, try a different one , change your add ins or your topping.  Throw some whip cream on that shit and hope for a big enough spoon.

If we as a people could stop being so focused on what we hate about everyone and start focusing on what we love about people , just imagine how great things could be for everyone.

So , instead of looking at each other how we usually do – lets start envisioning which flavor we are instead.  If anything – its gonna put a smile on your face!

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The Bittersweet Dance

I have been working on this one for over a week, forgive me for the past tenses.


 

 

After my mother passed away, my sisters and I decided to enroll all our girls in dance class.  The same dance studio that my mother went to , the same dance studio that we went to.  For years on Wednesday afternoons, we would make the half hour drive to Amesbury for our tap, ballet and jazz lessons. As I sat there waiting during my daughters class, so many memories flooded back. It didn’t  help that literally amongst the picture collages on the wall were some pictures of my mom.  Looking at her pictures, she was so full of life!  She was so happy. She loved dancing, she loved dancing school, she loved the family that owned the studio.  Its funny, so many people at her services commented on what a great dancer she was and how much she loved to dance, but honestly, I can’t remember when she was well enough in recent years to actually dance.  I bet it had been 10 years or more.

It was so bittersweet,  heartbreaking actually.

It seems like this week everything has been crappy.  I am still dealing with armpit issue.  They hurt so darn bad. Still.  I went to the doctors on Monday. More blood work.  If my levels were high, then Pet scan would be ordered.  My levels are elevated by not high enough I guess.  My doctor is also trying to get me on a different medication that may help me better.

In the meantime, I am still in pain and I am still sore.

I am struggling with my disease, that’s what the doctor is calling it.  Though the whole thing isn’t fully named, I am really having  a hard time.  I don’t know even how to explain it.  Just being is difficult.  It is hard getting out of bed, getting dressed, all my daily activities.  I have faith that I  will get an answer eventually  and that I will have a regimen that works for me. In the meantime though, Things suck.

I want to feel better, more than anything.  I am terrified that I am cursed with my moms poor health and that I am doomed to follow her path. And I know, I know, situations are entirely different , and yes, I am most likely being dramatic, but  I don’t want that. I don’t want to deal with this crap the rest of my life. I want to live the best life possible.  I just don’t know how to do this.

I am wrestling with my emotions and reality.  What am I supposed to be or do ?

I need to lose this weight. I need to be better and I need to move. But I can’t while I feel this awful on a regular basis . I need just need to have faith that answers and treatment plan will come soon .  Its hard .

My mother always saw the light through the dark.  The positive through the negative.  The love above loss.   I wish so much I could be like that , and I swear I am trying .  I just at a loss on how to execute it.

Hopefully one day I will rise above and be able to live this life the best way I can .

Until then, I will just keep swimming.

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Armpits and Magoo

The latest in a series of unfortunate events regarding Meganitis is an ongoing severe armpit pain.  Yes, I said it , armpit pain.  Truth be told my armpits always hurt. Weird, I know.  But its just another thing I have gotten used to in my daily life.  However , this week, the armpit pain has been freaking awful.  Throbbing pain in my armpits, yup, this is what my life has come to.

So, normally, I would call my Mom and she would say something to make me feel better regarding my armpit issue. Usually something wacky and insane to make me laugh whether or not she realized she was being wacky and insane.

Thanks to Facebook’s “on this day” feature , a wonderful memory came back.  Maybe some of you are familiar with the cinematic genius that is Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol.  This film was a staple in our house growing up and my mother, my sisters and I would happily sing along.  Honestly, we reference this movie all the time.  Countless hours of laughs through my lifetime thanks to his movie.

So today , when I was feeling particularly low and upset about my illness, this memory popped up on Facebook.

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Of course I burst into tears.  But this is just another way Mum was fucking amazing ,  I mean she was just nothing short of incredible.  And I am so thankful that this beautful creature is my mom.

I hope you all are lucky enough to have someone in your life like my mother.  Someone who found the laughs in everything, someone to be goofy with , someone to love you unconditionally no matter what bad decisions you make.

I don’t know when if ever my heart will heal.  I kinda think It won’t.

Going to keep moving on and keep swimming.

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You May Say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one …. 

Momma was too . 


My mother was probably the biggest dreamer I know . Always having hope that her dreams would come true . I’d like to think that all her dreams came true , but I’m sure they didn’t . I mean if her dream was to be the bestest momma ever and the bestest nana ever and just the greatest human to ever live – then mission accomplished! 

Sunday we started the process of going through Mums things . Gut wrenching doesn’t even describe it . It was fucking awful . It would of been no matter if it was a month since she has been gone or 10 years . I hated it . 

As long as I can remember my mother was always dreaming of a better way , dreaming of her own business so she could contribute. She did the usual , you know the home party route , Princess House , Party Lites , she did Avon . In fact , it was when my mother was canvassing the neighborhood selling Avon that friendships were forged with our neighbors . Now , 34 years later , we are still friends . That’s magic . 

My mother had a cross stitch business for a large part of my life as her health would allow . She would sew these amazing samplers and then she would stain them to look antique. I would go with her to craft fairs . She was so talented , it blows my mind . She had done an after school program that I helped her with . She made cross stitch kits for these kids . They all loved it . Honestly I had forgotten about it until I was looking for a cross stitch kit for my daughter and I to do together . I , myself haven’t done it for probably 20-25 years, but I want to give it a whirl . And my daughter wants too a lot . So the search continues for a kit . 

Amongst my mothers things were a plethora of crafting items . From frames to jewelry making tools and beads to jewelry she wanted to sell , and as I think of it , it makes me so sad . She had all these ideas , probably thousands of ideas and she never really got to see them through .  

It just breaks my heart that her body would  not allow her to fulfill her dreams . I hope she didn’t look at it that way , but I can’t help but think of it like that . 

All of this has me really thinking about my dreams and what I want out of my life . What am I passionate about ? What do I want to do in my life ? I mean I got very lucky with 3 healthy kids , but what do I want ? For me ? To fulfill me ? I think as parents we get so caught up in our kids that we forget about ourselves and what made us who we are to begin with . 

So , for me , I want to get back into writing . I have story ideas that I need to bring to life.


I love writing . I always have and it’s something I have been going over and over . In another moment when Mum sent me a sign , I was watching the Simpson’s last night ( yes , I watch the Simpson’s , don’t be hatin’) and it was the episode where Moe becomes a writer and gets to go to Word Loaf . Check it out below : 

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I looked at it as it’s an episode about writing . And I have been searching to find myself and how I honor my mother . So , I took it as a sign . 

I think the way to honor her the best is to just be me and not stop dreaming . 

And now that I’ve got some star power up there , maybe some of these dreams will come true . 

Don’t stop dreaming 

Don’t stop Believing 

Don’t stop Swimming