I Feel Good Today !!!

Holy crap!!! It’s true – I FEEL GOOD!!!!

images1[1]

I do not know what caused this change but man, is it great.  I am not sore .  I am not in pain.  My skin is not on fire.  My armpits do not hurt.

I don’t know why any of this has happened or how long it will last, but baby, I am rolling with it.

I have been really evaluating my life lately.

Things I know for sure:

  • I have to lose this weight – I talked to Coach Jane and next week I am starting back at the gym.  I have tried all sorts of ways to lose weight and honestly, the thing that worked for me the best was going to the gym and training with a coach.  And Coach Jane is incredible.  She pushes me and that is what I need.  I just gotta push through the pain . Now hopefully my workout clothes still fit.  I am really excited.  But I know that taking this step in the condition I am in is going to challenge me immensely. Hopefully this old broken body is ready for this ride.
  • I need to change my diet.  I have read that the best diet for reducing inflammation is the ” Mediterranean Diet” Basically heavy on the fish and omega 3 oils.  Yeah, I cannot eat fish. I can’t stand the smell of it, I think I have been scarred by too may co-workers microwaving fish …… UGHHHHHH.  But, I need to do something, I think I am going to give Gluten Free a try again , I am still on the fence, but I need to make a change.
  • I need to take care of me.  I need to listen to my body and not overdo it.
  • I am so blessed and lucky.  I have such a great family.  You should be jealous.  I am just so lucky.  I am lucky to have been raised by the most incredible creature to ever walk this earth.  I am lucky because I have a partner in life who has my back.  He is more than my rock. He is my strength.  I am lucky because I am a mother to 3 kids who continually amaze me.  I have good kids.  I am so proud.  I am lucky because I am the oldest of 3 girls and I have sisters that give me such strength when I am down . They have given my nephew and nieces, great men I consider brothers.  I have friends who are more than friends, they are family.  I have aunts and cousins who I actually talk to and see.  They are more than cousins, they are my big bros and big sis.  I am lucky because I have a good job.  I am thankful we have a roof over our head and food in our bellies.

 

Today was a good day . I am hopeful that it continues and I can become a human again.

Gotta see the light through the darkness.  I need to do that more often.  It’s the best way to honor my mom. She dealt with so much, I feel bad bitching about my issues , knowing how much she had to endure.  I miss her so much.  Grief is horrible.

untitled

But ==== I am not going to wallow!!!! Mum would not want that.

Today was a good day and I am rolling ( or swimming ) with it.

img_1087-4

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Don’t Hold Me Down

We all have insecurities. We all have doubts about our lives or ourselves at some point . And if you are gonna say you don’t , I am calling bull shit .

thZH36VKCD

I have to be real here , I’m sick . I have a disease according to my doctor we just don’t know which one . Is it deadly ? I doubt it , I think it would of gotten me by now . Is it common ? Yeah , gonna day nope on that . Do we know what it is ? Another Nope city .  I am very thankful that what I am dealing with isn’t as bad as it could be .  In the grand scheme of things , I am lucky . For the most part , I can still function . It varies from flare to flare , at the moment I can still do mostly everything.

Right now however , I’m in the middle of this big flare . The pain is excruciating.  I’m beyond exhausted . And my fingers hurt , really really bad . I need that to subside .  To say I am hot, is an understatement.  It feels like Hell itself is residing on my skin.  It has gotten as bad as randomly breaking out in sweats through out the days.  For example, its 60 degrees out and I am sitting with the Air conditioner on full blast.

What I am finding more and more as this progresses , is that I am having a more difficult time doing things.  Or things I normally look forward to, bring me severe anxiety.  Things require more planning and even with more planning, I still not be able to what I intend to.

I NEED TO FEEL BETTER!!!!

I keep telling myself I need to work through the pain I am in.  I am the one holding myself down, albeit unintentionally.  Which royally sucks.  Like, what do you do when you are literally causing yourself pain.  Its awful.

So, what do I do ? Here’s the plan:

My doctor is working on getting me approved for a different medication.  Hopefully this will be a key starting the car that is driving myself back to normalcy.

Its time for my appointment with the ENT to get a sleep study done.  Pretty sure I will be told I have sleep apnea, which losing weight ill help. But we will see what she says tomorrow.

I am doing my best to be positive like my mom.  Yesterday she was gone 2 months, it still seems like she just left us.  I still don’t know how to be.  When does it get better?  I know the answer, but I just wish that wasn’t it.

I am hopeful things will get better.

I can’t let me get…me.

Before I sign off, I just need to send my heartfelt love to the victims of all the recent tragedies that are befalling this world.   We witnessed the largest mass shooting in American history this week.  When will senseless violence end?

In the words of the great Bill S. Preston Esq. and Ted ” Theodore ” Logan :

BILL AND TED

I think if we all were more EXCELLENT to each other, we would find this world a much better place.

img_1087-4