I’m THAT mom… and I’m okay with that

Happy Women’s March Day !

 

th-4

The significance of this day has left me with so many thoughts, I just had to share some.

All this talk of Women’s rights is so vital.  If it weren’t for women’s rights, there is no way I could be the person I am today .

This is my body and ain’t no one stopping me from doing what I choose to with it.

I pray I am setting a good example for my daughter to be independent, be strong and to do what makes her happy. I hope these decisions continue to be hers.

I feel I am a hard working , kick ass momma.

I don’t know about you, but I have been seeing so much about ” Super Moms” lately.

You know who I am talking about, Those perfect moms that make it to every performance, every PTA meeting, every field trip, make every lunch (complete with love note ), make every game, take their kids to every birthday party, bakes for every bake sale, sells the most at every fundraiser…. we all know that mom.

I am in no way knocking this, just sharing my thoughts.

But Guess what bitches? It ain’t me.

Yes, I am THAT mom.  I never make it to the field trips , the performances, or any meetings. I make it to most games, we go to some birthday parties, never bake for a sale. And on occasion, we might get some fundraiser sales.

“Good Golly Meg, why are you such a horrible parent?” you may be thinking .

The answer is simple and becoming much much more common. I know there are probably thousands in the same position I am in.

I work. I work full time. Monday – Friday and every other Saturday . And when I am not at work, I am still responding to emails and on occasion taking work related calls.I have a good job and I am taken care of.  I have been with my company for over 10 years. I would say still = 90 % of school functions that we have been invited to are during school hours. How about throwing  us working parents a bone?

I work to provide for my family.  I am not ashamed to say we need two incomes for our family of 5. I am so incredibly thankful for the stability my job has provided us.

And while Working Mom Guilt still gets me every time one of these things come up, I still think of the big picture.

My family has gotten used to the food in their bellies and the roof over their heads.  I’d like to keep it that way . The clothes on their backs, they like those too.

So, while I may not make it to everything and not participate in every school function, I am still their biggest cheerleader in life. I choose to work to make sure they have what they need and them some. If I didn’t work, we would not be going to Disney in April. I would not have the ways and means to do the things that we do together.  Even if it is just going to get ice cream , its creating memories. And I am determined to make sure no matter what , my kids have good memories to look back on .

They may not remember that I didn’t make it to the book fair, but they will remember goofing off with me going for a ride or playing mini golf.

Creating positive lasting memories is what I would like for my kids. I don’t know how I am doing , I’ll probably find out when they have kids.

I’ve been the unconventional mom, I have been the cool mom, I’ve been the asshole mom, I’ve been the young mom

I’ve  been that mom that was the youngest in the room , with my jeans and t shirt on surrounded by the “stepford wives ” .  I got the stares and looks.  Even though our kids were the same age in the same activity ( on the occasion I was able to make it to something) but I had my son at 18 and these folks waited til they were older. Got looks for that too.

I own my shit. I was a young mom. I work full time. I love my family fiercely . I have made bad decisions. I have made good decisions.

I hope that all this talk in the political universe will continue to allow me to be me.

THAT MOM.

A full time working married mom of 3 who is raising 3 incredible, caring , empathetic, creative,  human beings.

Be good to your kids. Be good to your family.  Be good to people.

I am hopeful that the next 4 years do not set us back 50.

Blog Signature

 

 

 

A New Approach

Hello Everyone!

I know its been another 2 months since my last post.  When I started this blog it was to share my chubby girl in the gym stories, feelings, struggles and what nots.  That was in 2013.  And honestly since the end of 2014, my health has been an issue that keeps popping up, rearing its ugly head.  Current status : head being reared loudly.

I love to write, I love to get out my feelings, I can’t hold shit in and I can’t act as if nothing is bothering me. I just can’t , I’ve tried, believe me, and in the end, I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s just who I am.

So, I am going to be here more often, and maybe not necessarily about fitness as my body allows, but maybe just about life and the way things are , are going, and how I am feeling.

I hope you will continue to join me.

So, where am I at today ?

I have come from enlarged lymph nodes, to removed lymph nodes, to no cancerous lymph nodes, to abnormal lymph nodes, to abnormal blood work, to lit up thyroid, to prehashimotos, to lowest IG-2 the immunologist has ever seen in someone who is not on chemo, to whole body soreness, to even more blood work, to still no answers.  All we have concluded is I have immune deficiency.

Fast forward to this year, the whole body soreness  is gone other than my knees. I started taking my Plexus . 

To say that Plexus helped my soreness would be an understatement. I virtually erased it after 2 weeks.  I am so beyond grateful for discovering it.

Now, once my whole body was not sore, my knees felt left out and decided they would start acting up.  At first it was my left knee, then slowly the right, now its both. Feels like bubbles on my knees. Like in the Incredibles, when Mr. Incredible sets off the tracker and he is hit by all those black blobs, yeah, so it feels like that , I would imagine.

IMG_5457

Yeah so that is what my knees feel like. Sucks, cause everything else, was good!

Ugh Freaking City.

I went to my doctor because my legs were getting swollen too, and I had gained some weight, so I thought I was retaining water. They put me on Lasic. Yeah, did not do crap other than make me pee like crazy. So it was not water in my knees.

Went back to the doctor.  Now, obviously I am extremely overweight and my thought was this is because of that. Doctor gave me referral to an Orthopedic dr and also gave me a prescription for something to help me jump start my weight loss while I really could not exercise , or even go for a walk. Stairs are the enemy.

That stuff was Amazing.  But it was only for 15 days. Deal was,  I got to orthopedic, then go back to dr after that to discuss what was planned and further discussion on the weight loss pill.  Thing  was that my appt was for July 5th, in my line of work, taking off the day after a holiday or even taking time off on the day after a holiday is just not feasible. It honestly causes more problems than its worth. So I tried to reschedule. I was on vacation in the middle of July, of course they could not get me in. Leaving me with an appointment this past Friday .

I went into this prepared to recount my past almost 2 years of issues just incase it was important, but honestly had prepared myself that I am a Fatty McButter and this is the latest in my self destructive path I seem to be stuck on.

They did my vitals, they took my X Rays, they listened to my story about my quest for answers for my unnamed disorder/disease/ what ever.

Doctor comes in and we go over my issue.  Looks at my X Ray and drops the bomb that , my knees are fine. Perfect. In fact the knees of a 20 year old.

Pump the damn brakes. WTF?

My knees are perfect. Perfect spacing, perfect knee caps, freaking perfect. No sign of any distress due to weight or anything else. At this point I just start tearing up. Cause I was expecting this to be – you are a fatty, lose weight and your knees will be better. You will be able to walk and feel human again .

Instead I am told my puffy legs  and knee pain are most likely due to inflammation from an ” unnamed disease ” that I most likely have .

He then goes on to list all the things I should be tested for.

Lyme Disease – Been there done that and all its variations

Lupus – yup

Rheumatoid Arthritis – yup

Sarcoid – yup

Among other ones, it was like I was sitting there and someone had recorded all the other doctors I have been to and this guy was pressing play. I was devastated. I know I have no technical diagnosis, I know that I am just trying to get by in life with some relief and I need to be conscious of my condition/disorder . I think from now on, it will be know as Meganitis, at least that is what the girls in my office call it. I think it works. But how weird is it that , this guy would come out with the same thing? How is it that they all have this same damn answer but no one can fix me? Talk about damaging.

So, as I sit there in tears, cause I just can’t with this shit anymore, he tells me I should see a Rhumetologist. Told him I have one already . Told him the meds he put me on for my soreness when I flipped out on them because I was beyond miserable, turns out it is just a glorified advil, which explains why I did not get much relief from it .

I am sitting there, utterly defeated and I said some folks told me a Cortisone shot might help me. He said we can try that for sure, it probably won’t work, but if it does, you come back every three months and we can do it.  I jumped on it. He did them in both knees. And confirmed there is no fluid in my knees . He told me it would take 24 -48 hrs to kick in. That was Friday, it is definitely helping, the extent I guess I will know tomorrow. I am certainly walking better. I am still calling the Rhumetolgoist on Monday , who will prob send me back to Immunologist so I can see what is up with all my crap.

I am hoping I can get to a point where I can get back into the gym.

GOOD LORD I MISS IT SO MUCH!!!!!

I am going to get self loathing here, but just let me rant.

I hate my body, I hate the way I look. When I am able to work out, I know I still look the same, but I feel better cause I know I am working on it. Not being able to even go for a walk is really just a killer. I had 2 weddings in July. I spent money I had no business spending on getting my hair , makeup and new dresses. All in an attempt to feel pretty. And I did, for the first time in so long I really felt beautiful . I got so many compliments, even from chicks in the bathroom, lol, not from my husband, but that is no surprise. When she was doing my makeup, I could not stop looking in the mirror. I just could not believe that was me. I wish Naomi could follow me everywhere, lol. Must be what a Kardashian feels like.

Here are a couple pics :

IMG_4927

I took a lot of selfies, I will admit it

 

IMG_5223

Me and my baby girl

 

IMG_5330

Typical full body bathroom selfie – Dress :Amelia, Lularoe – Love love love

IMG_5458

Me and my gorgeous sister Caitlyn

IMG_5459

Me, my Dad, Caitlyn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On both of these days, I felt like a million bucks. I would really love to feel good all the time. I just need to get there. Hopefully I am on my way .

In other news, my kids are all growing up. It is hitting me like a ton of bricks lately . My oldest, Tyler is going to be a senior this year and has decided he wants to go into the Army. He has taken the Asvab and is working out so he can be in top condition for his physical . On one hand, I cannot tell you how absolutely proud of him I am . This is such an adult decision and he is working on things he needs to, to get there. On the other hand I am beside myself because my baby will be gone probably at this time next year. I see his face everyday. I know this is a part of growing up and getting older and this is the process of life. I don’t see my parents every day. I’m okay. But Ty, is my baby. All my kids are my babies. No matter how old , no matter anything. I know I have a year to process the gravity of this and I call I can do is pray that I created a good human who makes good decisions. I think so far, we have done a damn fine job.

All in all, I have been in a really bad place lately , I guess the good part is, I realize it. As opposed to before in my life where it would just swallow me whole.

Thanks for letting me rant. Hopefully I will have a better report tomorrow on the shots!

 

Blog Signature

 

Gotta Run on Marathon Monday

Most of you are aware , I’m a Massachusetts gal . Masshole through and through .

3 years ago Boston was attacked by 2 cowardly brothers at the Boston Marathon . So many people hurt and maimed and in the end , 4 souls lost . Boston is not to be messed with , we literally shut the city down to find these assholes . And they did . And while only 1 of them is answering for their heinous crimes , thousands have risen above with their courageous will,  to show that we will not be brought down by hatred .

All this being said , yesterday was Marathon Monday here in Boston . Since I started working out , every Marathon Monday , the workout has a running element . Yesterday was no different , but in so many ways – for me – it was .

We all know my struggles with running . Since I resumed working out this year , I haven’t run . I’ve been rowing instead . But how could I not run in Marathon Monday ? So , I figured , I gotta run .

The workout was great .

It was an Amrap in 26.2 mins .  I completed 3 rounds ( def went over time, but not by much)

4 wall climbs – can I just tell you ? I got up there ! I didn’t think I would be able to move my legs up the wall . Now , of course , I wasn’t flush up the wall or able to move my hands back , but hot damn ! I was on the wall ! And it wasn’t even the struggle I remember .  Victory

18 wall balls – I don’t even know what weight I had , but these seem to come easier to me than they did before . Still hard , don’t get me wrong , but I keep moving.

16 Burpees – these were modified , but even then , these were still hard for me

26 lunges – I having some knee issues lately, my best guess is all this weight has caught up with me, I just need to work at it and get the weight off. I am sure they will stop bothering me. Anyways, I did reverse lunges on the TRX. And while modified, man did those kill.

Then – you guessed it. dun dun dunnnnnnn…….. THE RUN

IMG_4249

The run was 200 m . I completed the first one. Slow and Steady , not really a run, or a jog, but faster than a walk.  I was almost back when my calves started burning which was always my issue.  So, the next 2 runs, it was modified, so it was almost 200 m, prob more like 175 or 150. Anyways, I had to do it. As I am there dying, trying to not stop, all I could think about was there were people who literally lost  limbs completing the marathon. Folks who lost so much in the bombing and they are running 26 miles, and my fat ass can’t even jog 200 meters? Sweet Baby Jesus. I suck.   Between that and my ” Just Keep Swimming ” mantra, I finished. 3 runs, 3 rounds. And I did not stop.  I think that was the part that I was the most ” like wow” about .  I completed each “run”  without walking.  For me, this is GINORMOUS. Freaking Huge.

I was really thinking about this as I was doing the workout.  This time around, I feel like all these moves are coming easier to me. Even with the modifications, maybe that’s why.  Its still a struggle to do things, and honestly, I hope it always is, as I get better , more fluid with it and able to do things fully .  I feel so much more accomplished this time around.  Even Coach Jane was saying I am more confident.

And I really am.  Weird for me. To be confident in anything is quite different for me.  I have the worst self esteem and always have.  I think the worst of myself.  I am working on it. Working on me. And truth be told, I kinda like who I am right now and where I am going. I’m trying and I guess that is the best I can do .

Gotta keep at it! Looking forward to Lift Day on Wednesday!

 

Blog Signature

 

Refuse to Sink

IMG_4176

Refuse to Sink.

I think this is a perfect way to explain how I feel right now.

My health, my life, my well being, I have taken  matters into my own hands and sticking with what works for me.

I Refuse to Sink.  I will Keep Swimming.  I will conquer no matter how long it takes.

 

 

 

This week at the gym, I was really proud of myself. Here is how I did:

Monday

8 min AMRAP

5 push press – 25 lbs

6 box jumps – I am jumping on 2 plates right now,

working my way back up to the box, currently at 7″

7 KB swings 0 26 lbs

I got 5 rounds, 11 reps

6 min AMRAP

6 thrusters – 25lbs

60 single jumps

I got 3 rounds.  Whoa Nelly were those jumps harder than I thought! Snuck up on me!

4 mins- as many backsquats as possible – 15 lbs – I got 60.

To say my legs were burnin would be an understatement.

Wednesday – Lift day!!!

My favorite!!! Wish it was every day 🙂

Back Squats

3-3-3-3 increasing weight after warm up set .  6lb- 75 lb- 85 lb – 95lbs!!!!!!   Yeah baby – 95 lbs, how the hell did I pull that out?!?!

Push Press

3-3-3-3

60 lb- 65 lbs- 70 lb- 75 lbs

Here are some pics from my Push Press -courtesy of my girl Alicia 🙂

IMG_4178IMG_4179IMG_4177

And – Can I just say , I didn’t look as bad from the back as I thought I would , lol

 

 

Accessory work / 3 rounds

10 single leg dead lifts – 18lbs

8 seated presses – 18lbs

30 frog pumps

(3) 20 second hollow holds

Thursday

4 rounds

200 m row

15 wall balls – 8lbs

15 box jumps – ( actually 7″ plates )

15 hollow tucks

I completed this in ……. get ready for it……. 18:24 !!!!!!   What the frack ?!?!?  I was dying, sweat dripping, eyeballs sweaty, ready to puke, but I DID IT!

Honestly, I believe it was the power of MC HAMMER , that propelled me.  We had a 90’s throwback jams playlist going , along with Hammer , we had Humpty Hump, No Diggity, you get the gist.  I was 2 Legit 2 Quit! It was quite the interesting class.  Coach Jane always makes it fun.

 

I have got to tell you folks, yours truly , is back at it , back in the game, and the Swim is strong! After the past year and a half of all my various crap, I am back doing what I need to do for me .

Managing my condition, once I had a better understanding of what is going on and how my body is reacting to things with the info from my drs, was number 1.

I needed to get working out.  I really just love working out in this format.  I do. I feel good, I feel strong , I feel fierce. I feel freakin awesome!

In addition, adding Plexus into my daily routine has helped so much . It has really helped me so much, I cannot even put it into words.  I wish I had discovered it sooner.  The funny thing is, I didn’t realize how much I wear my emotions on my face. I keep hearing how people can tell I am feeling better. How crazy is that?   I signed up to be a Plexus Ambassador because this product is now something I  NEED, I do. I figured why now get the most of it as possible.  If you are interested in learning about Plexus or want to give it a whirl – check  out my site : Meg’s Plexus Site.

Or shoot me an email – lets chat. lessthighsmorethunder@gmail.com

I feel better than I have in such a long time.

It’s taken me a while and its a long road, but I feel I am at the start of a great part of this journey!

Blog Signature

 

 

Sometimes you surprise yourself

Happy Easter Folks!   Sometimes you surprise yourself, I think that is really the best surprise .  I was at the gym 3 times this week .  Did some new stuff and did things that honestly going into it , … Continue reading

Just Keep On Swimming

Happy 2016 Everyone,

I apologize to the blogosphere for the neglect here.  Its bad, I know, I’m sorry.

That being said, here is a little update from my world:

As most of you in my private life know, I have been sick, since, well, Halloween of 2014.  I talked about my various health issues back in Bumpy Ride.

Basically, I have been sick since Halloween 2014 and 7 doctors later, we still do not have an answer as to what my issue is.  I feel like we are headed in the right direction, but nothing concrete yet.

What we do know:

  • I have ” immune deficency “
  • I have enlarged lymph nodes and thyroid
  • The issues are not the lymph nodes or the thyroid, they are just reacting to what ever is happening
  • No Cancer!
  • No lyme disease, no lupus, no sarcoid, no mono, no rhumetoid arthritis , no Stills disease, no Castlemans disease
  • Medication is working!

 

That being said, I am ready to resume my life. I have been incredibly sore, like , my armpits hurt.  Freaking weird, right? I mean, honestly, they still are sore, but not nearly as bad. I am currently on a medication they give to rhumetoid arthritis patients. At least I am able to function.

Here’s the thing, In the scheme of things, is what I have going on as bad as cancer? Or some terminal disease? Or even something that has required hospitalization? Nope.  Even so, not feeling good day after day after day, gets wearing on you .  I didn’t want to do anything.  I didn’t want to move some days.  I needed to get my hair done, didn’t want to . Not because I was being dramatic thinking I had cancer, but just because I didn’t want to do anything and I was going to let those grays run rampant! I needed some new clothes, did not want to get anything, not because new clothes are always an added expense, but just because , I did not want to do anything. I wanted to crawl into a hole, close my eyes and make the pain go away.

This whole process has been an emotionally fueled bad dream.  It’s frustrating as hell knowing that my body has been telling me there is something wrong for a year and a half, yet the best doctors in the world cannot tell me what is wrong with me. I had to learn to accept the fact that this is a long process and I may not get an answer ever, certainly not soon.  And I did.

It’s funny, I say ” Just Keep Swimming ” all the time to people to boost them, to encourage them, and the one person that forgets , is me. HOW EMBARRASSING!

images

Once I got the medication to help with the soreness, things started to get into place.

So, now I am managing the soreness.  I got my hair done, ( goodbye grays! ) got some new clothes and finally, yes finally, Sweet Baby Jesus, I am ready to get my lard ass into the gym.

The hubs has shown interest in coming to the gym with me, however, we both have different goals and want to do different things.  Like, I want to lift weights, CAUSE ITS AWESOME, and he has no desire, so say Planet Fitness would be good for him. It has what he is looking for,  Bikes and low impact. Planet Fitness has no  interest to me ,not saying its bad by any means, I just know what works for me and I need to do what is right for me.  Hopefully we can find a happy medium 🙂

One thing I have learned and have the most trouble forgetting, is that THIS Journey, is about me. And what I want and what makes me happy.

Gotta keep swimming! Hopefully I will be back into the gym in the beginning of March.

Always remember to keep swimming, no matter the journey. Sometimes we just need to be reminded.

How have things been going for you in these past few months? Would love to hear your stories!

Blog Signature

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Know I Say I Love You And Hello Forever

” Just Know I Say I Love You And Hello Forever ”   is one of the last coherent things my sweet Gram said to me.  She was in CCU at the hospital and she knew she was getting ready to take her final journey.  It means so much to me, that I got it tattooed on my forearm, so I can always look at it and she will always be right within arms reach.

My Gram Tattoo

Thanksgiving is spent at Gram and Gramp’s house every year.  I have been dreading it.  I know as soon as I walk in that house and she is not at the stove, and then not at her chair, I am going to be a puddle.  I have been trying to prepare myself as best I can, but I am failing.  I miss her so very much.  I’m kinda hoping that writing this today will help me.

Honestly, its not like I have not dealt with loss before,  I have.  Plenty of folks have left us for better places. I just miss her so terribly.

It’s no secret I love bread .  I love my rolls too.  And every year I would walk in and Gram would say to me  how she got some nice rolls  for dinner.  That came across my mind yesterday and I lost it.  It’s funny how the little things bring back the most memories.

I know the best way to handle it and to honor her is to go today so we can all be together like she would of wanted.  I just wish she was here instead.  Not to mention, this will all happen again on Christmas Eve because that is another holiday spent at their house.

So – to honor my Gram I am sharing with you some photos of this amazing woman.  Things that bring such joy to me when I see them.

IMG_1899 IMG_1922 IMG_1983 IMG_0439408205_10152066602120705_104891121_n IMG_0108 DSCN2500 DSCN3228 100_1070

4 Generations

IMG_3436IMG_3434IMG_3435

 

 

 

 

 

These are just some of the pictures I have .  Gram loved all of us so very much and she made sure we always knew it.

I am blessed.  I am honored.  I am thankful. I am lucky.  I had 35 years with an incredible woman in my corner.  My children had the rarity of having a long relationship with a great grandparent, who she adored and they adored her.  My husband got another grandmother.  My friends got another grandmother.

She was everyone’s Gram.  That was so evident during her services.

On Thanksgiving , she would always make sure everyone had a plate to eat before she would even allow anyone to prepare anything for her.  I feel like I should bring her a plate today , and maybe I will.

Hug your loved ones tight, let them know how much you love them, EVERYDAY.

No matter how old they are , no matter how sick, no matter how healthy, no matter how far you are.  Let those you love know they are loved.

 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone,

Meg

 

524973_10152347774970705_313830454_n

Shit Happens – It is how you deal with it that defines us

Happy Sunday Everyone!

It’s been almost 2 months since my last post.  Let me explain, here goes…

The past 2 months have been tough.  My beloved Gram took a turn for the worse, and on July 22, she made her final journey.  At exactly 90 1/2 years old, she lived a long wonderful life.  I have been so very lucky to have had my Gram for 35 years.  My children had a relationship with their great-grandmother.  I know so many people who don’t have that, who have never had that.  We really are so fortunate, but, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.  I miss her terribly.  I always will.  But I know she is up there looking down and making sure we are okay.

 

images

So, how does this play into my journey?  Things don’t always work the way we plan.  We have to adjust.  We have to regroup.  I planned on getting back into my routine.  I didn’t plan on going to the hospital all the time.  I didn’t plan on being at the hospice everyday.  Would I change a second of it? Or regret my decision ? Absolutely not.  As much as my physical health I am working on, my mental health is important too.   Being there for the end with my sweet Gram means more to me .

And that is okay.  Shit Happens to all of us.  Something derails us for whatever reason – big or small.  But you get through it.  You can’t let the shit be the end of your journey.  Honestly, this whole year of mine has been Shit.  But, you know what? I am here.  Still trying.  Still moving .

Still swimming.

So, here I am .  Still going.  More weight on than ever before.  I feel like I am bursting out of my skin.  And now that the dust has settled,   Its time to get back at it.  This week I got in 2 workouts and started watching what I eat.

I feel great.

Wednesday I worked on Front Squats.  My 1 Rep Max was 90 lbs.  I know this is not my best, but I will keep working at it.  Squats are always something I struggle with.

After the front squats it was time for a complex.  Power Cleans x Hang Cleans x Front Squat – I did this at 55 lbs.  I was so glad I could do this with actual weight added to the bar.  I have been out of it and not working out regularly , basically the whole year.  So, for me to be able to feel confident in the weight, it was awesome.

Thursday was 2 work outs in 1 class.  Coach Jane took some videos of me as I was working out.  For the life of me, I cannot get them to load to this post.  If I can figure out, I will post later.

1st workout was :

3 rounds 1 minute each

Alt DB snatch – 20 lbs. I used to be able to do 35 lbs.  But when I picked up the 20 lb DB, I was like , oh man, its gonna hurt! I made it through, but boy that 20lbs got heavier and heavier

 

Row – I made it to 100 meters each time

Wall climb hold – this was supposed to be a handstand hold, And I geared myself up for it, but I was a mental case and could not get myself to commit and go down for the handstand.  I opted for the wall climb hold.  It was a lot more difficult with all this extra weight on.  My last round , I thought my arms were going to snap.  They were shaking like crazy.

The 2nd workout was at the park down the street.

Walking lunges, suicide sprints, wall balls, mountain climbers.  All while dodging the goose droppings all over the place.

Have you ever had a moment when you realized that you changed?  For me, no matter what the size, I have always been self conscious.  If it thought something was too tight, or didn’t look good on me, I would not go out in it.  So, how did I know I ‘ve changed?

There I was – in my workout gear.  Rolls and fat and sweat and all.  Outside in public.  Busting my ass to complete the workout.

And not one shit was given.

I am finally in a place where I feel we are moving past this shitty year and resuming normal life. Rising above our challenges  is never easy.  But we cannot let it have the last word.  Shit happens.  Life Happens.   It’s how you chose to deal with it.  I choose to keep going.

What about you?  How do you handle it when shit happens?  Is it the end of the world? Do you move on?  How do you rise above?

Blog Signature

 

Bumpy Ride

 

Hello Everyone!!!! How the heck are ya?!

I know, I know, its been months.

Well, those months, they haven’t exactly been all to great for yours truly.

The past 3 months I have been dealing with more health issues.  More enlarged lymph nodes in my neck.  Three this time around.  Had surgery to remove one to be tested, came back benign for everything ( thank goodness! )  This time around I also had extreme fatigue, muscle soreness, weight loss, night sweats, chills, and a crazy rash.  I was tested for everything from lymphoma to lyme disease to sarcoid to mono.  I have no idea how many times I was at the doctors or the emergency room .  What royally sucked, was no one could help me.  The only thing that made me feel any better or allowed me to function was steroids.  After being sent to an infectious diseases doctor, the conclusion after all the testing is that I had some sort of crazy unknown virus .  Some crazy unknown virus that ruined my life for over 2 months.  I am happy to report that I am feeling so much better now!  Thank Goodness !

 

images-5

While this was all going on , we had a fire in our apartment building.  Thankfully no one was hurt, and no ones things destroyed.  It was an electrical fire in the electrical room.  The issue was that the fire destroyed the electrical system and the electric company would not turn the power back on to the building until the management company brought the building up to code.  So nice to know that the ridiculous rent we were all paying went to upkeep and making sure things were up to code.  The fire happened on April 20, today is June 2, they have yet to start the work to bring the building up to code.  My neighbors and my family were sent to a local hotel until other arrangements could be made.  Those other arrangements were other apartments on site, some 3 bed, some 2 bed.  (Our building was all 3 bedrooms, all full of families). The biggest issue with this for us, was that our lease was up at the end of May, so we were low man on the totem pole when it came to comfortable accommodations.  They ran out of available apartments ( despite listing all of our apartments as available on line while we were all at the hotel ) so we were sent to a Residence Inn .  Basically until our lease was up we were between a Residence Inn and a LaQuinta Inn .  Keep in mind , I have 3 kids, who all needed to get to school .  And these hotels were not even in the same town that we live in . It was a 20-30  min drive to get the kids to school, each day .

For those keeping track:

Wicked sick

Fire

Hotel Life

3 kids

This is not a good combo.  Not too mention, the extra cost of all the eating out.  Thankfully, my renters insurance picked up most of the food cost and everything I lost out of my fridge.   The management company of my complex was horrible through out the whole ordeal.  The day it happened, all the residents could not go back home, so we were cooped up at the Club House, which is where the main office is, would of been nice if the Property Manager gave a shit and actually came and spoke to the residents, but nope.  One of neighbors went and grabbed donuts and coffee for everyone .

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful we had a roof over our head, but the process was atrocious.  The Management company had the audacity to try and tell me they were paying for my food…. I had to remind them, that no they were not, my insurance company was.  It was all bullshit.  Not to mention, we had to move out of our apartment with no power.  It was a giant suckfest.

February , March , April and May were just completely shitty. Snow – Sickness – Fire – UGH!!!

Good Riddance!!!

Time to get my life back and get back to me.  We are still getting settled in our new place but my plan is to get back at it at the gym next month.

I miss working out so very much.  I miss how I felt, I miss the sense of accomplishment.  I need to get back at it!!! I have so many goals and so many things I want to accomplish.
Hopefully I am leaving the Bumpy Road behind for Smooth Sailing ahead.

 

Just Keep Swimming!!!! It applies to everything.  Just  Keep Going. Never give up.  Keep up the fight, no matter what the fight is.

We all have a fight going on – be it within ourselves or with a part of our world or the world it self.  But we can do this.

Gotta remember kids – this is a journey.  Its not always the best one, or the fun one, but its the journey we are on .  Bumps, scrapes and joys.  Each one defining us and making us who we are and who we are meant to be.

images-3

Thanks for sticking by me and I hope you enjoy the journey along side of me.

Blog Signature

Let’s Talk About Body Image

Tell me what you like about yourself and your looks.

Tell me what you dislike about yourself and your looks.

 

I bet you it is easier for you to answer the 2nd statement than the 1st.

Why is that ? Why is it so much easier to focus on the negatives than the positives? Especially when it comes to our bodies and how we perceive them ?

 

The beginning of every year has just about all of us focused on losing weight or getting fit.  Our most common resolution is ” To fix ourselves”.  I have found more and more that my thinking was wrong on the subject.  If a skinny person told me that they ” need to lose 10 lbs” or ” I’m so fat” or something like that , my usual response was ” I wish I was fat like that ” or ” I wish I only had 10 lbs to lose”.  My thought was, this person looks great, I would be so happy if I looked like them.  It really never occurred to me, that they are unhappy with themselves.  And who the hell am I to judge that , or be jealous?

We all have shit we want to work on, in some way or another.  Some of us, want that to be our looks.  Be it our size, our hair, our face, it doesn’t matter.  We need to stop judging and just let everyone be themselves .  Embrace that people want to change themselves for reasons that would make them happy.

Take this whole Bruce Jenner stuff going on at the moment.  What ever is going on in Bruce’s life, its not our business. Regardless if they make a life in the public eye, what they want to do or be – its not the public’s call.  Let Bruce be Bruce. Whoever that may be.

Then there is static about a plus size model in Sports Illustrated.  Come on folks!  People over a size 10 need a bathing suit too!

 

Why do we care so much ?

 

It all goes back to Body Image and what we want to be and how we see ourselves.

 

I have always had a negative image of myself.  I really don’t know why, but I have.  Let’s go over how crazy I am.

 

This is me as a baby with me momma.  Prob 1981 . I have issues . I think I look like  a monkey baby here.

Meg&Mum

Meg and Mum 1981

Here I am in High School.  This is where I thought I was fat.  All size 7 , 128 lbs of me.

Meg HS

High School

High School was really where I felt the worst, all by my own doing.  I mean seriously, I thought I was fat here.  What the hell was the matter with me?  If only I could go back.  But I can’t , I made this bed, and I am through lying in it.  This was my goal picture.  But I have to be realistic,  I am 34 years old, not 17 anymore.  It’s time I focus on being the best me that I can be, today.  Not best me from 1997.  It has taken me so long to get that through my head.

So here I am today.  Working on myself and trying to get back to get to a place where I am happy with myself.

215 Lbs Baby!!!

215 Lbs Deadlift Baby!!!

Its a journey as you all know.  I think I have grown, not only stronger physically, but mentally since I made this decision to do something about myself. I keep swimming.  Keep going.

 

I started back working out in January , and I am down 5 lbs!

Its slow and steady to win that race.   There are no quick fixes and there are going to be set backs.  I think we all need to get out of our own heads.  I will get there.  And you will too.

We need to focus on happiness within ourselves instead of what we look like.

Everyone no matter the size has something they don’t like, I am working on liking all my parts and making them what I want .  We should be who we want, how we want and we shouldn’t care what anyone thinks.

I know that is not easy.  But maybe we are all a work in progress through our lives, instead of a finished product.  Always room to grow.

 

So I ask all of you now, Tell me what you like about yourself.  Share it! Shout it from the rooftops!  Be you ! Embrace all of your qualities!

Let’s get out there and change the world.  WE can do it. One mindset at a time.

 

Don’t forget to check me out on my  Facebook Page  = Less Thighs More Thunder .     I post little things over there too.

 

We are all awesome. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of that.

Spread the Awesome.

Blog Signature