You May Say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one …. 

Momma was too . 


My mother was probably the biggest dreamer I know . Always having hope that her dreams would come true . I’d like to think that all her dreams came true , but I’m sure they didn’t . I mean if her dream was to be the bestest momma ever and the bestest nana ever and just the greatest human to ever live – then mission accomplished! 

Sunday we started the process of going through Mums things . Gut wrenching doesn’t even describe it . It was fucking awful . It would of been no matter if it was a month since she has been gone or 10 years . I hated it . 

As long as I can remember my mother was always dreaming of a better way , dreaming of her own business so she could contribute. She did the usual , you know the home party route , Princess House , Party Lites , she did Avon . In fact , it was when my mother was canvassing the neighborhood selling Avon that friendships were forged with our neighbors . Now , 34 years later , we are still friends . That’s magic . 

My mother had a cross stitch business for a large part of my life as her health would allow . She would sew these amazing samplers and then she would stain them to look antique. I would go with her to craft fairs . She was so talented , it blows my mind . She had done an after school program that I helped her with . She made cross stitch kits for these kids . They all loved it . Honestly I had forgotten about it until I was looking for a cross stitch kit for my daughter and I to do together . I , myself haven’t done it for probably 20-25 years, but I want to give it a whirl . And my daughter wants too a lot . So the search continues for a kit . 

Amongst my mothers things were a plethora of crafting items . From frames to jewelry making tools and beads to jewelry she wanted to sell , and as I think of it , it makes me so sad . She had all these ideas , probably thousands of ideas and she never really got to see them through .  

It just breaks my heart that her body would  not allow her to fulfill her dreams . I hope she didn’t look at it that way , but I can’t help but think of it like that . 

All of this has me really thinking about my dreams and what I want out of my life . What am I passionate about ? What do I want to do in my life ? I mean I got very lucky with 3 healthy kids , but what do I want ? For me ? To fulfill me ? I think as parents we get so caught up in our kids that we forget about ourselves and what made us who we are to begin with . 

So , for me , I want to get back into writing . I have story ideas that I need to bring to life.


I love writing . I always have and it’s something I have been going over and over . In another moment when Mum sent me a sign , I was watching the Simpson’s last night ( yes , I watch the Simpson’s , don’t be hatin’) and it was the episode where Moe becomes a writer and gets to go to Word Loaf . Check it out below : 

Moe N Lisa Simpsons
I looked at it as it’s an episode about writing . And I have been searching to find myself and how I honor my mother . So , I took it as a sign . 

I think the way to honor her the best is to just be me and not stop dreaming . 

And now that I’ve got some star power up there , maybe some of these dreams will come true . 

Don’t stop dreaming 

Don’t stop Believing 

Don’t stop Swimming 

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The Hopes, The Dreams, The Goals ( in no particular order)

I was asked to post a blog about my hopes, goals and dreams.

I have really thought about this and it is so much harder than you might think.

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We all have them.  If you say you don’t – you are lying.  But some are so much more realistic than the others, fantasies, pipe dreams, if you will.

Pipe Dreams

These are the easy ones.  You know, the usual. The things we want and are impossible or just so far out of reach.

Win the lottery – I will say thought, if I won the lottery, I would take care of my family and close  friends.  I would donate to charities.  I have even thought of starting a charity of my own to help folks.

Own a Maserati – I love them!

Travel the world – Bora Bora, oh man, do I want to go there so badly.  A wee bit on the pricey side for us, but  if I win the lottery, it wouldn’t be an issue.

Most importantly , above all else – I want my family to be healthy. 

I want my mothers sicknesses to disappear.  I want both her kidneys to function properly.  I want her to feel good.  I want my sister to not be a diabetic anymore.  I want her to see good and not need glasses anymore.  I want my dad to quit smoking like a damn chimney.  I want his diabetes to go away.  I want him to be stress free and not have to worry about my mother.  I want my grandfathers vision and hearing to return.  I want him to be able to enjoy conversations with us and his great grand children.  And see them.  See us.  I want my grandmother to be able to stand straight and not have to worry about if she is going to fall.  I don’t want her to be in pain.  I could go on and on.  The bottom line is, I just want everyone to be healthy.  Unfortunately, sometimes, these things just aren’t in the cards.  I suppose the only silver lining is that these things make  us who we are.

 

Hopes and Goals

My greatest hope is that my children are happy , safe, and healthy.  I do say my prayers each night and this is what I always ask for.  Of course I hope that financially we will be okay.  I would to be comfortable.  I hope we will be able to purchase a decent home in a decent area.

I hope I can finally find the strength within myself to get back fully on my track.  I have let myself down so much this year.  I need to get this back together.  I hope I can finally get my tookus under 200 lbs.  That is a huge goal. I just gotta do it. Its just taking me forever and I keep derailing myself. I hope I can be all I want and all I see myself as being.

I hope to be happy.  I hope to stay happy.

I hope to continually inspire someone to think, ” Hey , if this chick can do it, then I can”  I hope someone out there follows my story and decides its never too late to get off your butt and make better decisions. I get such amazing feedback from you guys – it is so incredible.

 

In the end , I suppose it all breaks down to I just want to be happy and want my family to be healthy.  Do we really need more than that?

 

How about you?  What are your hopes and dreams?  No matter how realistic or attainable, I want to hear them!

 

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