Ice Cream Without Borders

I think Depeche Mode sang it best :

“People are people
So why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully

So we’re different colors
And we’re different creeds
And different people have different needs
It’s obvious you hate me
Though I’ve done nothing wrong
I’ve never even met you so what could I have done

I can’t understand
What makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand”

Right now , in America, we are coming apart at the seams.  I don’t usually  get PC, but I just want to point this out – you , me, Bob down the street, the cashier at the store, every professional athlete, every politician, every man, woman , and child no matter what parts you were born with and choose to recognize –

UNDER OUR SKIN – WE ARE ALL EXACTLY THE SAME

Crazy = right? But seriously  think about it.  We all have organs, blood, veins, bones.  We are all the same, just wrapped in different packages.

If ice cream came in a box instead of a bowl or a cone- would you still eat it?

Damn right you would – who is gonna say no to ice cream? Its the same concept – same on the inside – different way of packaging it.  Ice Cream comes with nuts or without, chocolate or vanilla, sugar free or smooth and creamy. So many different varieties – it is awesome!!!  It is literally the beauty of ice cream.  What is your favorite flavor?  Mine is black raspberry or reverse chip ( chocolate ice cream with white chocolate chips, it is soo hard to find, if you do find it – do not deny yourself!!!)

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I think we should look at the world as our ice cream social .  All these different varieties .  And you know what ? If you don’t like one flavor, try a different one , change your add ins or your topping.  Throw some whip cream on that shit and hope for a big enough spoon.

If we as a people could stop being so focused on what we hate about everyone and start focusing on what we love about people , just imagine how great things could be for everyone.

So , instead of looking at each other how we usually do – lets start envisioning which flavor we are instead.  If anything – its gonna put a smile on your face!

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The Bittersweet Dance

I have been working on this one for over a week, forgive me for the past tenses.


 

 

After my mother passed away, my sisters and I decided to enroll all our girls in dance class.  The same dance studio that my mother went to , the same dance studio that we went to.  For years on Wednesday afternoons, we would make the half hour drive to Amesbury for our tap, ballet and jazz lessons. As I sat there waiting during my daughters class, so many memories flooded back. It didn’t  help that literally amongst the picture collages on the wall were some pictures of my mom.  Looking at her pictures, she was so full of life!  She was so happy. She loved dancing, she loved dancing school, she loved the family that owned the studio.  Its funny, so many people at her services commented on what a great dancer she was and how much she loved to dance, but honestly, I can’t remember when she was well enough in recent years to actually dance.  I bet it had been 10 years or more.

It was so bittersweet,  heartbreaking actually.

It seems like this week everything has been crappy.  I am still dealing with armpit issue.  They hurt so darn bad. Still.  I went to the doctors on Monday. More blood work.  If my levels were high, then Pet scan would be ordered.  My levels are elevated by not high enough I guess.  My doctor is also trying to get me on a different medication that may help me better.

In the meantime, I am still in pain and I am still sore.

I am struggling with my disease, that’s what the doctor is calling it.  Though the whole thing isn’t fully named, I am really having  a hard time.  I don’t know even how to explain it.  Just being is difficult.  It is hard getting out of bed, getting dressed, all my daily activities.  I have faith that I  will get an answer eventually  and that I will have a regimen that works for me. In the meantime though, Things suck.

I want to feel better, more than anything.  I am terrified that I am cursed with my moms poor health and that I am doomed to follow her path. And I know, I know, situations are entirely different , and yes, I am most likely being dramatic, but  I don’t want that. I don’t want to deal with this crap the rest of my life. I want to live the best life possible.  I just don’t know how to do this.

I am wrestling with my emotions and reality.  What am I supposed to be or do ?

I need to lose this weight. I need to be better and I need to move. But I can’t while I feel this awful on a regular basis . I need just need to have faith that answers and treatment plan will come soon .  Its hard .

My mother always saw the light through the dark.  The positive through the negative.  The love above loss.   I wish so much I could be like that , and I swear I am trying .  I just at a loss on how to execute it.

Hopefully one day I will rise above and be able to live this life the best way I can .

Until then, I will just keep swimming.

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You May Say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one …. 

Momma was too . 


My mother was probably the biggest dreamer I know . Always having hope that her dreams would come true . I’d like to think that all her dreams came true , but I’m sure they didn’t . I mean if her dream was to be the bestest momma ever and the bestest nana ever and just the greatest human to ever live – then mission accomplished! 

Sunday we started the process of going through Mums things . Gut wrenching doesn’t even describe it . It was fucking awful . It would of been no matter if it was a month since she has been gone or 10 years . I hated it . 

As long as I can remember my mother was always dreaming of a better way , dreaming of her own business so she could contribute. She did the usual , you know the home party route , Princess House , Party Lites , she did Avon . In fact , it was when my mother was canvassing the neighborhood selling Avon that friendships were forged with our neighbors . Now , 34 years later , we are still friends . That’s magic . 

My mother had a cross stitch business for a large part of my life as her health would allow . She would sew these amazing samplers and then she would stain them to look antique. I would go with her to craft fairs . She was so talented , it blows my mind . She had done an after school program that I helped her with . She made cross stitch kits for these kids . They all loved it . Honestly I had forgotten about it until I was looking for a cross stitch kit for my daughter and I to do together . I , myself haven’t done it for probably 20-25 years, but I want to give it a whirl . And my daughter wants too a lot . So the search continues for a kit . 

Amongst my mothers things were a plethora of crafting items . From frames to jewelry making tools and beads to jewelry she wanted to sell , and as I think of it , it makes me so sad . She had all these ideas , probably thousands of ideas and she never really got to see them through .  

It just breaks my heart that her body would  not allow her to fulfill her dreams . I hope she didn’t look at it that way , but I can’t help but think of it like that . 

All of this has me really thinking about my dreams and what I want out of my life . What am I passionate about ? What do I want to do in my life ? I mean I got very lucky with 3 healthy kids , but what do I want ? For me ? To fulfill me ? I think as parents we get so caught up in our kids that we forget about ourselves and what made us who we are to begin with . 

So , for me , I want to get back into writing . I have story ideas that I need to bring to life.


I love writing . I always have and it’s something I have been going over and over . In another moment when Mum sent me a sign , I was watching the Simpson’s last night ( yes , I watch the Simpson’s , don’t be hatin’) and it was the episode where Moe becomes a writer and gets to go to Word Loaf . Check it out below : 

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I looked at it as it’s an episode about writing . And I have been searching to find myself and how I honor my mother . So , I took it as a sign . 

I think the way to honor her the best is to just be me and not stop dreaming . 

And now that I’ve got some star power up there , maybe some of these dreams will come true . 

Don’t stop dreaming 

Don’t stop Believing 

Don’t stop Swimming 

Signs on a Saturday

Hi everyone. How’s the weekend treating you ?  I had a very busy Saturday . Which I am already paying for . My body is screaming today . And I slept pretty darn awful . But let’s focus on the positives of yesterday . 

I made what is becoming my weekly pilgrimage to see Mum . This week my daughter picked out a red heart balloon that says ” I Love You” and we picked out a bouquet of various colored roses .  It’s hard for me to go to the cemetery. I guess it’s the part where I leave her there . All alone . I feel like putting in a couch there for us to go sit and talk to her , lol. I think though I want to get her some of those solar lights so it’s not so dark for her . 

I’m trying to deal with my mothers death in a healthy way , but really , how fucked up is that ? A healthy way ? What does that even mean ? How is any of this healthy or right ? Healthy should of been what she was . And right is definitely , what this is not . 

I also trying to get my emotions under control because the more upset I am, the more prone to flares I am.  I seem to be in a flare state since my mother died and I am in a lot of pain , physically and emotionally. I am hopeful my recent change in meds will help with this, but so far no . 

So ,back to my day . We go see Mum , then head for a quick visit with my dad . Then we head to get our hair done . My desperate need for cut and color and my daughters back to school cut . We get there early so we  walk around hunting Pokémon . Lots of walking around . We get our hair done , head to pick up my oldest from work and head home . The hubs and I went out for the night to celebrate our 18 year anniversary. 

We get home late and I am so exhausted. I’m trying to get to sleep when my daughter comes in upset about Nana. She is crying and inconsolable.  She’s clutching her bunny Pinky which her and Nana made together at Build a Bear . Seeing her like this just breaks me . I’m trying to comfort her and myself at the same time . So I tell her about the Signs . Signs that Nana will show her that she is there and with her . I tell her a story about how a cardinal came in the yard the other night while I was talking with my dad . How I know it was Nana . I tell her how even though she can’t hear her say “Hi Maddie , I am here ” she will let her know that she is there with her . I give her a blanket of my mothers for her to sleep with and I head to her room to tuck her in . When I get to her room she holds up 2 Beanie Babies . 

Wouldn’t you know ? ONE WAS A CARDINAL ! I burst into tears again . I told her that Nana was letting you know she was here already! I don’t know who it comforted more , me or her . 

Even in death, Mum is still looking out for us and giving us what we need . Absolutely incredible. 

One of my most favorite movies is The Crow. We even named our dog , Draven , when I was a teenager after the main character, Eric Draven. Mum loved that dog .  This is one of my favorite quotes from that film :

” If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.”


Real love . Real love extends beyond a significant other . Real love extends beyond our children , our parents . Real love is love we have for those in our life we would do anything for . Regardless of blood . 

Signs are real . Weather or not it originates in your head , if it comforts you , it’s real . For now it’s what I will believe in . 

Weekend Wrap Up

I had a pretty good weekend !  How about you ? 

I was up really early on Saturday , 4:30 am , had to be to work for 6 am .  Then it was a 10 hr day . Usually after working on Saturday  I need to take a nap . I was pretty exhausted when I got home but it was almost 5 so I just kinda relaxed . 

We had dinner then I decided I wanted to try and go for a walk . There is a rail trail about 10 mins from my house , so the hubs and I headed there .  

Lo and behold , I walked and survived. I survived all 2.4 miles !!! 

2.4 miles !!!!

I was dying at the end of the walk but I am so glad I did it . 

Then today , my daughter and I headed to my sisters house . First off was some Pokémon Go , my daughter and nephew had a blast . We walked around for a while, had some lunch , then headed back to the house for swimming . 

It was definitely not as warm as I would have liked but , I wanted to get some water aerobics (or my version of them ) in .


I was in the pool for about 45 minutes , running , walking , did high knees , jumping jacks and some actual swimming .  

Man , was I tired after that , honestly, still am .  But – again , I did it ! 

Not only did I get in exercise this weekend , I am down 8 lbs since I got back in the wagon ! 

Cheers to a great week everyone! 

Happy New Year!

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Happy New Year Everyone!

I’ll admit, I have been quite miserable the last few months.  Throwing a personal pity party for myself.  I’m sore, I’m cranky, my appetite is horrendous, medication makes me sick….I have been just ugh.

Welp, I am really going to try and change this around.

I need to honestly, or at least dedicate myself to dealing with this chronic pain better.

For those keeping track, we are on 2 years of my body telling me something is wrong and no doctors being able to figure it out.

Current symptoms include: all over body soreness, painful arm pits ( yes arm pits) , side pain ,chest pain,  my  ” necklace of pain” ( my throat and collar bone area ) , crazy night sweats, fire skin and crazy appetite.

First off, gotta get my meds under control . The metheltrexate i am on is really helping my knees and the arthritis that developed in them , however the medication makes me soooooo nauseous every day ! like every day! i wake up and just want to barf, but i never do, its awful. I just sit and wait for it to pass.  Then there is the Prednisone…. ugh, why do they make it so it helps you feel better but you become a ravenous pig?

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Anyone else have that issue with metheltrexate?  Or Prednisone?

So, my doctors solution to that was changing it to an injectable one, however since i have no “official ” diagnosis and Meganitis is not a recognized disease anywhere, my insurance rejected it.

Ugh. So i was going back and forth with my doctor in messages and getting no where, so I have an appt this Weds. Hopefully I can get on the right path here.

I also am DYING to work out. To say my weight has increased would be a complete understatement, I don’t even recognize myself. I was going to get back at the gym, but then I needed another PET scan and my doctor told me to hold off starting back up .

But, now I NEED to do something. So , I am hoping I can get the ok to start back up , even if its small, and hoping he can do something to offset the appetite.

I never realized just how many people out there are dealing with chronic pain, be it from fibromyalgia, RA or any type of Arthritis , MS, cancers, its really nuts how many people are in the world suffering right now. It’s incredible .

We all find our way to get through the day.  One thing that I have found to help with my daily routine is Plexus. It has been beyond incredible.

They only have a small amount of products, but they have been awesome.  The Plexus Slim, The Ease , The Nerve ,  they are all so helpful to me daily. My pain has yet to be eliminated but, it definitely takes the edge off.

Honestly, I catch a lot of shit from people for promoting Plexus, but if they had any idea how much it has truly truly helped me, they would understand. Thats why I share it all the time, if there is someone out there like me ( based on my research there are thousands) that could benefit from these products, as a human , It is my job to share it.

 

Since I am hoping to be able to start doing some sort of exercise again, looking for feedback from the folks out there suffering from chronic pain. What do you do ? Or do you find that it is too difficult to do anything ? There has got to  be something I can do .

Here’s to making 2017 a great year!

Blessings and love to you all!

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A New Approach

Hello Everyone!

I know its been another 2 months since my last post.  When I started this blog it was to share my chubby girl in the gym stories, feelings, struggles and what nots.  That was in 2013.  And honestly since the end of 2014, my health has been an issue that keeps popping up, rearing its ugly head.  Current status : head being reared loudly.

I love to write, I love to get out my feelings, I can’t hold shit in and I can’t act as if nothing is bothering me. I just can’t , I’ve tried, believe me, and in the end, I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s just who I am.

So, I am going to be here more often, and maybe not necessarily about fitness as my body allows, but maybe just about life and the way things are , are going, and how I am feeling.

I hope you will continue to join me.

So, where am I at today ?

I have come from enlarged lymph nodes, to removed lymph nodes, to no cancerous lymph nodes, to abnormal lymph nodes, to abnormal blood work, to lit up thyroid, to prehashimotos, to lowest IG-2 the immunologist has ever seen in someone who is not on chemo, to whole body soreness, to even more blood work, to still no answers.  All we have concluded is I have immune deficiency.

Fast forward to this year, the whole body soreness  is gone other than my knees. I started taking my Plexus . 

To say that Plexus helped my soreness would be an understatement. I virtually erased it after 2 weeks.  I am so beyond grateful for discovering it.

Now, once my whole body was not sore, my knees felt left out and decided they would start acting up.  At first it was my left knee, then slowly the right, now its both. Feels like bubbles on my knees. Like in the Incredibles, when Mr. Incredible sets off the tracker and he is hit by all those black blobs, yeah, so it feels like that , I would imagine.

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Yeah so that is what my knees feel like. Sucks, cause everything else, was good!

Ugh Freaking City.

I went to my doctor because my legs were getting swollen too, and I had gained some weight, so I thought I was retaining water. They put me on Lasic. Yeah, did not do crap other than make me pee like crazy. So it was not water in my knees.

Went back to the doctor.  Now, obviously I am extremely overweight and my thought was this is because of that. Doctor gave me referral to an Orthopedic dr and also gave me a prescription for something to help me jump start my weight loss while I really could not exercise , or even go for a walk. Stairs are the enemy.

That stuff was Amazing.  But it was only for 15 days. Deal was,  I got to orthopedic, then go back to dr after that to discuss what was planned and further discussion on the weight loss pill.  Thing  was that my appt was for July 5th, in my line of work, taking off the day after a holiday or even taking time off on the day after a holiday is just not feasible. It honestly causes more problems than its worth. So I tried to reschedule. I was on vacation in the middle of July, of course they could not get me in. Leaving me with an appointment this past Friday .

I went into this prepared to recount my past almost 2 years of issues just incase it was important, but honestly had prepared myself that I am a Fatty McButter and this is the latest in my self destructive path I seem to be stuck on.

They did my vitals, they took my X Rays, they listened to my story about my quest for answers for my unnamed disorder/disease/ what ever.

Doctor comes in and we go over my issue.  Looks at my X Ray and drops the bomb that , my knees are fine. Perfect. In fact the knees of a 20 year old.

Pump the damn brakes. WTF?

My knees are perfect. Perfect spacing, perfect knee caps, freaking perfect. No sign of any distress due to weight or anything else. At this point I just start tearing up. Cause I was expecting this to be – you are a fatty, lose weight and your knees will be better. You will be able to walk and feel human again .

Instead I am told my puffy legs  and knee pain are most likely due to inflammation from an ” unnamed disease ” that I most likely have .

He then goes on to list all the things I should be tested for.

Lyme Disease – Been there done that and all its variations

Lupus – yup

Rheumatoid Arthritis – yup

Sarcoid – yup

Among other ones, it was like I was sitting there and someone had recorded all the other doctors I have been to and this guy was pressing play. I was devastated. I know I have no technical diagnosis, I know that I am just trying to get by in life with some relief and I need to be conscious of my condition/disorder . I think from now on, it will be know as Meganitis, at least that is what the girls in my office call it. I think it works. But how weird is it that , this guy would come out with the same thing? How is it that they all have this same damn answer but no one can fix me? Talk about damaging.

So, as I sit there in tears, cause I just can’t with this shit anymore, he tells me I should see a Rhumetologist. Told him I have one already . Told him the meds he put me on for my soreness when I flipped out on them because I was beyond miserable, turns out it is just a glorified advil, which explains why I did not get much relief from it .

I am sitting there, utterly defeated and I said some folks told me a Cortisone shot might help me. He said we can try that for sure, it probably won’t work, but if it does, you come back every three months and we can do it.  I jumped on it. He did them in both knees. And confirmed there is no fluid in my knees . He told me it would take 24 -48 hrs to kick in. That was Friday, it is definitely helping, the extent I guess I will know tomorrow. I am certainly walking better. I am still calling the Rhumetolgoist on Monday , who will prob send me back to Immunologist so I can see what is up with all my crap.

I am hoping I can get to a point where I can get back into the gym.

GOOD LORD I MISS IT SO MUCH!!!!!

I am going to get self loathing here, but just let me rant.

I hate my body, I hate the way I look. When I am able to work out, I know I still look the same, but I feel better cause I know I am working on it. Not being able to even go for a walk is really just a killer. I had 2 weddings in July. I spent money I had no business spending on getting my hair , makeup and new dresses. All in an attempt to feel pretty. And I did, for the first time in so long I really felt beautiful . I got so many compliments, even from chicks in the bathroom, lol, not from my husband, but that is no surprise. When she was doing my makeup, I could not stop looking in the mirror. I just could not believe that was me. I wish Naomi could follow me everywhere, lol. Must be what a Kardashian feels like.

Here are a couple pics :

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I took a lot of selfies, I will admit it

 

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Me and my baby girl

 

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Typical full body bathroom selfie – Dress :Amelia, Lularoe – Love love love

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Me and my gorgeous sister Caitlyn

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Me, my Dad, Caitlyn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On both of these days, I felt like a million bucks. I would really love to feel good all the time. I just need to get there. Hopefully I am on my way .

In other news, my kids are all growing up. It is hitting me like a ton of bricks lately . My oldest, Tyler is going to be a senior this year and has decided he wants to go into the Army. He has taken the Asvab and is working out so he can be in top condition for his physical . On one hand, I cannot tell you how absolutely proud of him I am . This is such an adult decision and he is working on things he needs to, to get there. On the other hand I am beside myself because my baby will be gone probably at this time next year. I see his face everyday. I know this is a part of growing up and getting older and this is the process of life. I don’t see my parents every day. I’m okay. But Ty, is my baby. All my kids are my babies. No matter how old , no matter anything. I know I have a year to process the gravity of this and I call I can do is pray that I created a good human who makes good decisions. I think so far, we have done a damn fine job.

All in all, I have been in a really bad place lately , I guess the good part is, I realize it. As opposed to before in my life where it would just swallow me whole.

Thanks for letting me rant. Hopefully I will have a better report tomorrow on the shots!

 

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A Week of Non Scale Victories!

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Last week was one of the best I have had in a while.  It seems like everything is falling into place.

Lots of Non – Scale victories to share!

1st – My pants are bigger! I have to keep pulling my pants up ! Silly , but it is so cool.  I swear its because of my Plexus Tri-plex . A big thing with Plexus is a healthy gut.  I have been taking the probiotic and biocleanse, as well as my Plexus slim pink drink.  I think its a combo of that and the fact that I am just not as hungry anymore. I am not ravenous. Which leads me to my 2nd victory…

2nd – I always finish my food – get every last bite – go in for seconds – always finish that last bite of my burrito.  Not anymore, I just can’t .  I have NO DESIRE to continue the face stuffing.  AND ITS FREAKING AWESOME!!!  I had trouble finishing chicken fingers and french fries this week.  Now, granted not the most healthy meal, but I have ordered a side of french fries before on top of the fries that come with the food. And I couldn’t even finish it!

3rd – I resisted a full piece of cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory.  Yes, I can’t believe it either. I usually get a full piece for myself .  This time, I shared with my daughter and even then could not eat half.  THIS IS GINORMOUS FOR ME.

4th – I got into a pair of jeans I have not been able to get into for months.  And it didn’t require acrobatics to zip them up ! This my friends was such a great feeling.

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I also got back into the gym this week! Took it easy but I got in there and moved the best I could!

It was Weightlifting Wednesday.  We started with dead lifts. 3-3-3-3-3.  I warmed up with 85 lbs. I so badly want to beat my 215 lb dead lift, but I have to work back up to it, its gonna be a while.   😦

I started with 85lb as my warm up , then did 105 lb, 135 lb, 145 lb, 150 lb, 155 lb was my final.  Still have such a ways to go.  But I love them dead lifts, so I will keep at it!

Next up was supposed to be goblet squats, but given my knee situation, I did bench squats instead as part of the accessory work. I gotta say, the bending didn’t bother me nearly as bad as I thought it was going to . It was getting up off the ground that was the struggle.

Here is the accessory work :

3 rounds

5×8 bench squats

20 band walk – left and right

10 reverse lateral raises

30 sec dead bug hold

10 skull crushers

 

Like I said, the hardest part was getting up off the ground after the dead bug and the skull crushers.

Looking forward to what the next week will bring!

 

Any non – scale victories to share? I’d love to hear about them!

 

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Gotta Run on Marathon Monday

Most of you are aware , I’m a Massachusetts gal . Masshole through and through .

3 years ago Boston was attacked by 2 cowardly brothers at the Boston Marathon . So many people hurt and maimed and in the end , 4 souls lost . Boston is not to be messed with , we literally shut the city down to find these assholes . And they did . And while only 1 of them is answering for their heinous crimes , thousands have risen above with their courageous will,  to show that we will not be brought down by hatred .

All this being said , yesterday was Marathon Monday here in Boston . Since I started working out , every Marathon Monday , the workout has a running element . Yesterday was no different , but in so many ways – for me – it was .

We all know my struggles with running . Since I resumed working out this year , I haven’t run . I’ve been rowing instead . But how could I not run in Marathon Monday ? So , I figured , I gotta run .

The workout was great .

It was an Amrap in 26.2 mins .  I completed 3 rounds ( def went over time, but not by much)

4 wall climbs – can I just tell you ? I got up there ! I didn’t think I would be able to move my legs up the wall . Now , of course , I wasn’t flush up the wall or able to move my hands back , but hot damn ! I was on the wall ! And it wasn’t even the struggle I remember .  Victory

18 wall balls – I don’t even know what weight I had , but these seem to come easier to me than they did before . Still hard , don’t get me wrong , but I keep moving.

16 Burpees – these were modified , but even then , these were still hard for me

26 lunges – I having some knee issues lately, my best guess is all this weight has caught up with me, I just need to work at it and get the weight off. I am sure they will stop bothering me. Anyways, I did reverse lunges on the TRX. And while modified, man did those kill.

Then – you guessed it. dun dun dunnnnnnn…….. THE RUN

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The run was 200 m . I completed the first one. Slow and Steady , not really a run, or a jog, but faster than a walk.  I was almost back when my calves started burning which was always my issue.  So, the next 2 runs, it was modified, so it was almost 200 m, prob more like 175 or 150. Anyways, I had to do it. As I am there dying, trying to not stop, all I could think about was there were people who literally lost  limbs completing the marathon. Folks who lost so much in the bombing and they are running 26 miles, and my fat ass can’t even jog 200 meters? Sweet Baby Jesus. I suck.   Between that and my ” Just Keep Swimming ” mantra, I finished. 3 runs, 3 rounds. And I did not stop.  I think that was the part that I was the most ” like wow” about .  I completed each “run”  without walking.  For me, this is GINORMOUS. Freaking Huge.

I was really thinking about this as I was doing the workout.  This time around, I feel like all these moves are coming easier to me. Even with the modifications, maybe that’s why.  Its still a struggle to do things, and honestly, I hope it always is, as I get better , more fluid with it and able to do things fully .  I feel so much more accomplished this time around.  Even Coach Jane was saying I am more confident.

And I really am.  Weird for me. To be confident in anything is quite different for me.  I have the worst self esteem and always have.  I think the worst of myself.  I am working on it. Working on me. And truth be told, I kinda like who I am right now and where I am going. I’m trying and I guess that is the best I can do .

Gotta keep at it! Looking forward to Lift Day on Wednesday!

 

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Something is better than nothing

Happy Sunday Everyone!

The past couple of weeks I did not get into the gym as much as I wanted. Last week was only twice and the week before was only 1( ugh ) time.

While I was not able to do what I wanted fitness wise, I took the next best thing this weekend and joined my husband at Planet Fitness.  Oh.my.goodness.gracious.

This sealed the deal that Planet Fitness is not for everyone, especially me, and that’s okay, but I had to move and Something is better than nothing.

I don’t know if every PF is like this one, but weight machine hogs galore. And the 3 weight benches they had with the barbells attached to the rig, Sweet Baby Jesus…. Once I got in there to do some bench presses – there was only (1) 10 lb plate…. WTF is that ? I looked everywhere.  At that point I was so frustrated with waiting for one, then the disappearing plate, I was ready to go after that.  When we got there, I did time on the elliptical.  Lot harder than I remember, but I did a good amount of time.  I think I can use PF for my cardio needs on the weekend, to get moving.  But I will not be using it for my regular workouts.

I admit it…… I AM A LUNK , lol.  I like to ” Pick things up and put them down” .

b28e395cd96f0bca138f2900265991c4I found this meme and thought it was HILARIOUS! Credit to @the_evolving. ( I  guess )

 

So here is how I did at the workouts I made it to :

Weds 4/6 Lift Day!

Overhead Squats = I really did not think I was going to be able to pull this one off, but lo and behold – I did 5×3 25lbs!!! Winna Winna Chicken Dinna!

Sumo Deadlifts ( which are so much fun! ) 5×3 95lbs.  Its fun, cause you can pretend you are a sumo wrestler, but when I do it, its more like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers.

After that it was accessory work – 3 rounds

20 R/L side steps with side pump

10 dips

20 planks – with kneeoff box ( modified)

20 crunches

Unfortunately, I did not make it back into the gym until the next Monday

This was a killer. Complete KILLA

row 500m

2 rounds = 8 modified burpees, 20 jump squats

row 500m

2 rounds = 20 kb swings 26lbs, 10 alt pistols ( mod with TRX)

row 500m

2 rounds = 12 pushups, 15 plank jacks

Time was 23:43

Then it was back on Thursday . Yes, I missed my Lift Day 😦

It was a kettlebell night.

All I can say is SWEET BABY JESUS.

4 rounds

8 KB Cleans 26lbs

8 KB front squats ( 2 rounds just Bw squats )

8 KB Jerks 12 lbs

8 Lunges – BW

time was 27:13

This workout was so hard for me.  I was going to stop and cry at one point.  I wanted to finish, I wanted it to be over, I wanted to do it.  I just Kept Swimming.

Honestly surprised I did not cry or pass out.  I was so happy I finished.  IMG_4219

 

Today, I decided to go to one of our State Parks. Maudslay State Park in Newburyport , MA is a place I have been going ever since I was a kid.  I absolutely love it there.  It is a great place for a walk, run, dog walk, picnic, bird watch, horseback riding, kite flying, you name it, its great . Today , they had a telescope set up so visitors could look at Great Horned Owls that were nesting in the trees above the main building.  Its 480 acres of awesomeness. I took a great walk there this afternoon.  Other than the obviously pot smoking teens I walked by, the walk was really great  and super peaceful.  Here’s a little snapshot I took .

IMG_4244I know I don’t look super happy here, but it was a beautiful day . And I thought my hair looked good, lol.

If you get a chance to explore all the Maudslay has to offer, I highly recommend it.  You won’t be disappointed.

 

Bring a water and some binoculars too.  There is so much to see .

 

 

One of the things I have been actively avoiding this week is the fact that 1 year ago, I was really sick and things for our family took a drastic turn when we experienced a fire in our apartment building.  It sucked. 2015 as a whole, truly truly sucked.  On one hand its hard not to think about it, cause all of us are stronger for having gone through it.  I am still frustrated that they have no answers for me as far as my health goes.  I am thankful for Plexus and its effect it has had on my health,  a true ray of hope in my battle against this unknown. I am thankful that my amazing kids adjusted to hotel life, then to living in a whole new town, going to new schools and have THRIVED. My kids are unbelievable.  At least I know we are doing this parenting thing right. All 3 of my kids are exceeding expectations in all areas.  I am so proud of them.

So far, 2016 , it has been a pretty good year.  Here’s hoping it continues.

Wonder what this week has instore? Gotta keep swimming!

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