Blue and Green Walk

This past Sunday I proudly walked in the Boston Blue and Green Walk .  It was to raise awareness for Organ and Tissue Donation.  My dear, sweet, momma was the recipient  of not 1, but 2 Kidneys.  She also received countless blood transfusions.  The need for organ donation is so high.  So many people are on numerous lists waiting and waiting and waiting for organs.  Life saving organs.

My mother was such a believer in organ donation and everyone being organ donors.  We were so very lucky that we had family that donated to my mom. My aunt and my cousin truly gave the gift of life.  They alone gave us so many more years with her that we would not have had with her.  There can never be enough thanks to them for those gifts.

It was such a positive day , full of inspirational stories.  We completed the walk, it ended up being about 2.75 miles. I had a huge NSV ( non scale victory ) where I actually did the walk without struggling.  Like for really reals, I did it and didn’t die, lol. Huge for me.  Maybe I am starting to turn a corner.

Here are some pictures from our day :

 

I only found out about this walk a few weeks ago, next year, I hope to get a big team together for it.

It seems like this month has just sucked on a whole.  I’m looking forward to some better days ahead.  Sometimes, we all just need a break.  I feel like that at some point we are all due to for that break.  I think its my turn.

Gotta Keep Swimming!!!!

 

 

A good workout a long time coming

Hello everyone!

Let me tell you – I feel good! I had a great workout last night.  It was tough but  a good tough, for me, and it was modified for me , which was great too.  But it kicked my ass.  I have been searching for a new class. I need to workout.  I know what works for me and the classes work.  I don’t want to go to  regular gym, I need the structure of the classes and the push of the coaches.  I have found what I am looking for!

So, I gave it a whirl last night.  I was terrified and excited all at the same time.  After the warm up – it was go time.  The workout was a ladder, work down it, then do it in reverse. Here is the work out as I did it:

125m row – 10 mountain climbers – 40 single jumprope jumps – 10 BW squats – 125 m row – 10 HR pushups – 40 Single jumps – 10 reverse lunges – 125 m row – 5 burpees ( way modified ) -40 single jumps – 10 broad jumps – 125 m row – 10 knee raises ( or knee raise attempts ) – 40 single jumps – 10 knee raises ( or attempts) -125m row – 10 Broad jumps – 40 jumps -5 way modified burpees  – 125 m row – 10 reverse lunges – 40 jumps – 10 HR pushups – 125 m row – 10 BW squats – 40 jumps – 10 mountain climbers – 125 m row

My time was 26:36.  This , I thought was a great first workout back.  It felt great to be working out.  And I only said “just keep swimming ” to myself 2 times, lol.  Those damn burpees. Even barely being able to do a modified version of them, I was dying.  Somethings never change.

I am sore today , but its a good sore and its not a Meganitis sore,so that is even better.  I really feel this is going to be good for me and I am excited to be starting this new part of my journey.

Never give up .  Even if your journey takes you down long twisted paths, as long as you make your way to your happiness – it doesn’t matter how long it takes.

Overcoming Your Fears

Hello my friends,

Well, this weekend, I overcame a big fear of mine.  I went to my 20th High School Class Reunion.  I wasn’t going to go, honestly.  But I made a last minute decision to go, and I am so happy I did.

If you are a reading of this blog, you will be aware of my long deep seeded self esteem issues. I was not popular in high school, but I had friends, I was however – skinny.          So skinny I thought I was fat.  (This current  body is God’s cruel irony ) So, given my current status – I weigh more than 100 lbs than I did in high school.    I was not not exactly jumping on the high school reunion band wagon . Not that I could give 2 shits about what people think of me, but I didn’t want to be THAT person…. You know what I mean.

The more I thought of it though, my friends that I still keep in touch with from high school would be going, it would be nice to see them.  Then my mom crossed my mind.  She was Miss School Spirit.  Cheerleader, color guard, on her reunion committee, if she was here, she would of made sure that I went.

So, I went .  Not only did I go, but I put together the slide show for the event.  ( And it worked, lol! ) My mother would be so damn proud.  I had an incredible time.   It was wonderful .

I did get dressed up.  My sister Caitlyn did my makeup.  I felt good.  My fears melted away.  I danced the night away with my gals.

When I was in high school my depression started.  I felt horrible about myself, for no other reason than I was a moody teenager.  No one made me that I way, I just was.  My depression has followed me ever since , like my shadow.  I would not say that I am as depressed as I was in high school, but I could definitly say that I am depressed.

It was weird, I got anxiety.  Like super anxiety, on the way there.  I wasn’t sure if people would recognize me.  Granted ,I have been over weight since right after high school, but I just felt super self conscious.  To boot , our name tags had our senior pictures on them, so I was dreading wearing my old face all night while people would be seeing my current face.

In the end, I overcame my fear and went to the reunion.  I had a great time and those little fears I had going into it faded away .

Name Tag – Old face lol

Welcome Sign

DJ Area

Classmates we lost

Photobooth Fun – My favorite is my boa flower face bottom right , lol

This cake was super delicious! Made by my friend, Jennifer Patterson of Patty Cakes, Rochester NH. SO GOOD!!!

My next fear I am trying to overcome is my Meganitis. I have been relatively flare free since February when I started the Actemra.  Which has been amazing!  But lately, little things are creeping up.   My armpits were hurting last week, my fire skin is acting up ( though that really never went away ) , the advanced exhaustion that I get hit me like a ton of bricks the past few days , and today , I noticed I am sore. Mainly my legs, and not my arthritis knee,which fucking sucks.

We are in the midst of a crazy heat wave right now, its been in the mid 90’s, I am really hoping that my symptoms subside when it gets cooler.  Tomorrow is shot day, Thank God.  As much as it sucks not knowing exactly what my Meganitis is, at least I have holding it at bay.  My fear is that another flare stretch is coming on and if its as horrible as the last one, I just don’t know what I will do.  I am keeping an eye on it.  I am thinking a visit to the rhumetologist is in the future, BUT I am going to be positive and not let the fear of my  unknown assailant take me  down.   Fingers crossed that this passes .  Especially now that I am trying to get my ass back into the gym.  I need to workout.

All in all , fear can swallow us whole if we allow it.  Overcoming it , now that’s the challenge.

Just Keep Swimming everyone!!!

It’s Been A Year

It’s been a year since I got the midday call from my dad on a Monday, that Mum was on her way back to the hospital.  This time for trouble breathing and subsequent low blood pressure and low heart  rate.

It’s been a year since the last time we laughed together. Watching Wheel of Fortune in the ICU, and laughing over her insistence that Nurse Steve was Doctor Steve, but if you asked him, he would say that he usually cleans the floors.  I went to the hospital after work, like I usually would do when she was admitted. Didn’t matter if it was Lawrence General or Brigham and Womens,  I would head in after work.  It got to be the norm, even if it was just for a half hour.  The plan was to get her temporary pace maker put in until they could stabilize her for the permanent pace maker the next day.

It’s been a year since my mother had to have her temporary pace maker put in . I went to the hospital after work as usual.  She was sedated when I got there from the surgery and the nurse said he was going to make sure she was comfortable .  We thought things were good, so we left for the night.

Its been a year since my sister Rachel and I went to dinner  after the hospital.  We went to Burtons in North Andover. We both got some sort of Thai bowl and substituted chicken instead of some sort of Tofu type product.  It was quite delish.  We ate, dinner was uneventful and we said our goodbyes for the evening .

It’s been a year since I got the call on rt 93 south right before the 128 split.  Rach said we needed to get back to the hospital now.  I flew off the highway and turned around and drove like a madwoman back to the hospital.  I remember I kept telling myself = ” As long as I am not there yet, she is still alive” Like it was a Schrodingers cat situation.  I just kept repeating it.

It’s been a year since I arrived at the hospital and found my dad in the parking lot.  We made our way inside to the ER since that was the only door that was open.  I was greeted by our friend/sister Andrea .  I will never forget the hug she gave me.  She wrapped herself around me and we held hands as we were escorted to the ICU.

It’s been a year since I felt the stinging of my tears as I walked the hall to the ICU to find my mother in shock.  I cannot shake the memory of it.  I remember her face and the events like it happened 10 minutes ago. I remember crouching down at the foot of her bed and sobbing and thinking how can this be real?

It’s been a year since the family assembled , rallied in hopes of a positive out come.  It is a real testament to my mother and what an amazing family we have .   Sitting together outside the cardiac cath lab as they tried to save her.

It’s been a year since the doctor came out and told us our only hope is to send her to Boston since she coded for 10 minutes and there was not much else they could do for her there. My dad would of moved mountains if it meant for a chance for Mum to live.

It’s been a year since the group of us held each other as we waited for her to be returned to her room so we could see her.  Our group was 11 strong so we could not all wait in the ICU, we were relegated to the waiting room outside of ICU.

It’s been almost a year since the nurse came down to get my dad and inform us that she keeps coding.

It’s been almost a year since we made the decision that she had had enough.  And the next time she coded we would let her rest.

It’s been almost a year since we told her it was okay to go .  And that we would be okay. It was  the hardest thing my heart has had to do , telling her it was okay to go when all I wanted was for her to stay.

It’s been almost a year since I held her hand and kissed her head and told her how much I love her.

It’s been almost a year since it was August 2nd, 2017 at 12:15 am , when she left that body that jailed her for over 30 years , and became the best guardian angel any of us could ever hope for.

It’s been almost a year since my heart was immeasurably broken .

Not a day goes by that I do not think of her and all the joy she brought to our lives.  My heart hurts and I miss her so terribly.  I only hope I made her proud and she knew how much we loved her.

Hug your loved ones tight and make every day count.

As Mum lived by =Don’t Stop Believing !!!

1 Month Since Surgery

 

It has been a month now since my surgery.  It has not been an easy month, but I am glad I am on my way.  Navigating how much to eat has been the hardest challenge.  I have been eating the same way for 38 years , its not so easy to change it.  Figuring out what to eat has been a challenge too.  And when to eat, and eating itself.  All the chewing……

I have been sticking to my shakes , chocolate for the most part.  Its so much easier to get down than the vanilla.  Protein bars and greek yogurt round out my days, then dinner is usually something chicken based.  I am feeling good overall.

I need to get exercising more. I have been out walking, but I think this week I will start some home workouts.  Or at least try.

My Meganitis for the most part has been at bay, which is amazing.  I still get exhausted and my fire skin is still raging, but the whole body soreness has gone away .  Well, except for the arthritis in my knee.   I am hopeful that as I lose more weight, my knee will feel better.  And I am sure exercising will help too.

Anyone out there have a workout app or program they use at home that they swear by ?  I know enough things I can do myself, just looking for a little guidance I guess.

Cheers to a new week!

Don’t Stop Believing and Just Keep swimming !

 

 

 

 

 

It’s My Birthday !

Yes, you read it right, its my birthday, July 4th.  Happy Independence Day America!

I will say, today has been a good day .  We have a cookout every year on the 4th with family and friends.  Its great to catch up with everyone.  I am very blessed that I have, what I feel, is a very close family.  I love them all dearly .

What royally sucks is , even still now, I keep waiting for my Mom to call and say Happy Birthday.  I know, I’m now 38 , but damn, I still miss her like she left yesterday.  This has loomed over me all day, and I can’t shake the ache in my heart.  Ugh, sucks.

In other news, I have officially hit 2 weeks post surgery .  I am feeling really good!  I am pretty surprised actually.  My right side is still tender, but that is subsiding as well.  I have to say, I really hate taking some of my medications as liquid instead of pill form.  I mean like recoil when I have it, can’t wait until that shit is over.  I am still mainly on Protein shakes but in this stage, but I have been having other stuff too. Nothing really solid, but I have had protein bars – had no problem with them.  I did attempt some chicken , small little pieces and I chewed very well, but that did not end well. Lesson learned.  Since it was my birthday, and I could not have the cheeseburger and chips I have become accustomed to at a cookout, I opted to give my sisters pulled pork a small try.  No roll of course, but a small scoop- I took my time with eating it and I had no issues! And it was delish! A scoop filled me up with was great.  Birthday Gods must of been having a convo with the surgery Gods and must of been like ” ok, let her have this one” , lol.  Also, I did not have any cake.  I made sugar free chocolate pudding and had some sugar free cool whip with it.  My daughter and nephew got me my bowl of it.  They brought me a bowl full of sloppy pudding and cool whip all mixed together, bless their hearts.  I could eat about a quarter of the bowl, if even that .  Its the thought that counts.

Since my incisions have not fully healed yet – that meant I had to stay out of the pool – on a 90 degree day.  Soooo, I got creative. I bought a little kiddie pool and filled it up half way.  Created my oasis next to the big pool. I could sit in it with out getting my stomach wet, but still keep cool in the water.  It was heaven.  I was cool, next to the action and my nieces and nephew kept popping in keeping me company – all while obeying the ” Auntie no splash zone”.  I just love those kids. ❤  The hubs even hung out with me for while in there until he defected to the big pool , can’t say I blamed him, lol.

Last night we spent with family at my sisters new home to see the fireworks in my home town. To say it as a scorcher, is an understatement.  It had to of been at least 95 degrees and humid as hell on top of it.  It did not stop us from having  a really wonderful time.  The fireworks were great and there were sparklers for the kiddos. ( supervised and very safe , just saying ) .

My daughter Maddie with her sparkler. She had so much fun!

All in all , I can say it has been a great couple of days.  Follow up appointments next week with my surgeons.  Hopefully I will find out when I  will be cleared to head back to the gym, cause I am itching to get working out.

Happy Independence Day Everyone!

 

My Sleeve Gastrectomy : Day 12

Hello Everyone! Happy Hot summer !  Here in Massachusetts , we are expecting a heat wave , starting today .  Yeah for 90+ degrees – ugh. Don’t get me wrong, but 90’s and me are not exactly the best of friends.  With my Meganitis , I usually run hot . Fire skin is in effect most days.  But I am finding since my surgery , I am super hot all the time. Like sweat collecting on my face , super hot all the time.  I can’t tell if this is part of the Meganitis or  side effect from surgery .  Either way , I am a sweat hog.

I finished stage 2 and I am so over protein shakes.  I tried in vain to add different things to my vanilla shakes, but good Lord was that such a fail.  Massive.  I somehow ended up with a surplus of Vanilla Shakes, I was just trying to get the most out of them.  I need to do some more experimenting, but pretty sure I am going to move on to some different products to make it easier for me.

I am thrilled to be able to have greek yogurt.  Yum City! My favorite right now are the strawberry cheesecake flavored ones, they are blended and delish.  Oikos and Dannon Light and Fit are my go to’s.  There are so many flavors, its awesome.  I know, I am a dork, excited about yogurt.  But its the little things that make the big things even better.

I was really struggling with my sips.  That seems to have worked itself out.  Thank goodness.  I am mixing up what I am drinking besides plain water.  Plain water never bothered me before, but now, I need some flavor yo!  I have been doing Propel water, and making sugar free crystal lite (okay so not “Crystal lite” exactly, more like Stop N Shop brand, lol )  in various flavors.   I take a gallon of water and toss in 2 tubes of mix and dunzo .

I was craving , craving , craving my potato soup. Now potatoes were not allowed on this stage, so I amped up my protein.  I made it with Bone Broth instead of regular chicken broth and instead of cream cheese, I used plain Greek yogurt. I also added bacon.  But what I also did this time which I had not done before was really pureed the shit out of the soup with my immersion blender. End result was a creamy, smooth, protein packed, delish soup which satisfied the craving while still trying and slightly bending the guidelines. But, I also used to put down 2 bowls at a time when I made this before, this time, it was half a bowl and I was full.

I am still tender on my right side , but other than that, I am not in any pain. Moving on to the next stage I really think my problem is going to be taking my time eating.  It is supposed to take me a half hour to eat a meal.  I am categorically a fast eater.  Slowing down is going to be a challenge, but I gotta do it.

I do need to get out for more walks – my kids and I strolled along the boardwalk in Newburyport yesterday. Even though it was very hot, the breeze was amazing.  Its one of my favorite places, and now it makes me feel closer to my Mom.  She grew up in Newburyport and she loved her hometown.

Its funny, after our stroll, we went to a little roast beef/ sub shop place and I remembered being a kid and going to Old Fashion Sunday, part of Newburyport’s annual Yankee Homecoming.  One of my aunts lived closed to the Bartlett Mall – not like stores in a mall.  Its like a park, with a pond and a huge fountain / statue ( honestly I cannot remember which ). Anyways , we’d walk down with my aunts, some cousins and it was just a wonderful time.  I remember the time we were there for the muster and got soaked.  Such fun times I cherish.  It was these little things that my Mom did with us that not only created the closeness with my aunts and cousins that continues to this day, but also  created fun and lasting memories on a budget. We did not have a ton of money growing up but my parents still created wonderful childhood for us and I will forever be grateful. So, I try to do the same, create moments with my kids.  I don’t know how I am doing.  I hope they look back and they are happy with their childhood and can say they had a good one.

At the end of the day, what everything comes down to , is family.  Not just blood, but the family we are given and the family we make.  Its my hope that by having this surgery, I can lose weight and do more to participate with them, do things with them.  Our trip to Disney last year, we were kidding around that I would need a scooter- actually it was a deep fear I would need one.  I don’t want that to happen again. I vow that will not happen.

Gotta keep swimming!!!

My Sleeve Gastrectomy Journey : Day 4

Hello Everyone!

 

I woke up on the morning of June 19th early.  We had to be at the Brigham and Womens Faulkner hospital for 8 am . We left the house at 6:30 am since Boston traffic is so great in the morning – ugh.  We got in and checked into registration. At this point it was about 8 am and my mouth was sooooo dry , I just wanted to have some water, unfortunately not allowed.  But I was okay since surgery was scheduled for 10:05am , so I could deal.

After registration it was off to surgery check in.  I checked in and shortly fter they brought me to start getting ready.  Hubs had to wait while I got setteled. So all the usual jazz is done,changing , making sure all my info is correct, makng sure I am all ready for surgery.  At some point a very nice nurse came in and said ” Hi . I will be helping Sue with your IV.  ” Then it hit me, the nice nurse hat had been with me was named Sue.

Sign  #1

Now I had a chat with my mom before all this , and this was by far , her sending me a sign.  Then more doctors and nurses came in to introduce themselves.  Wouldn’t you know it – another nurse named Sue and a doctor named Frances.  Now, If thats not a sign -I do not know what else is.

At that point – I was fully convinced that my Mom was right there with me and everything would be ok.

I did go into surgery after 10:05 , I think it was more like 10:20 ish, but I really don’t remember.  I remember waking up super sore and out of it.  My hubs was there and my dad arrived after with some beautiful flowers.

All I wanted to do was drink some water.  But it this surgery – its got to be sips.  I seriously wanted nothing more than to chug the pitcher of water and chew on the hospital ice.  You know what I mean, hospital ice , is like the best ice ever.  You know….

I had some great nurses taking care of me through my first night.  Jess and Gabe were awesome.  I had all sorts of meds and I had to keep getting Heprine shots every so may hours.  They stung and bruised .  First challenge was actually going to the bathroom.  I was told if I could not go on my own by 10 pm, then it was the catheder .  Now, i know a catherder is not something anyone likes, but when I had my daughter , I was severly traumatized.  They put it in wrong and the worst pain of my life endured.  I still remember the feeling. So I did all I could to make sure I went . And I did… 🙂  I know, pee is super exciting, but the night got worse.  So I was in and out of it, one time when I woke up I was super sick, kept thinking I was going to puke, but there was nothing to puke. In addition to , I had horrible gas pains, like awful, kill me now, gas pains.  At some point I am sure someone told me how they pump you full of gas during the surgery . Welp, I do not remember anyone telling me that gas could get caught and cause awful pain.  So, imagin pain like heartburn times 100 burning in the middle of your chest.  It sucked. I was about to grab a scapel and slice a hole in my own chest to let some gas out.

So the moral of the story is – night 1, sucked.  And I cannot say enough about my team of doctors and nurses, they were so great.  Thankfully I woke up the next day and felt so much better. I got some walks in and was able to start shakes.

The thing that I am honestly struggling the most with is my sips.  It doesn’t sound like something that one would struggle with but it is way harder than I expected.  I am supposed to have at least 64oz a day of fluid and 60-70grams of protein.  Definitely have not reached that yet, but each day it gets better.  Its weird constantly sipping, but I need to make sure I keep it up. I do not want to get dehydrated.

And shakes – I have got to get some recipes to mix it up.  Really, I would love to just have some potatoe soup.  I am a ways off of that.

So here I am , ending day 4, looking forward to Day 5.  Its definitly a journey .

 

Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Father’s Day everyone!

I have been extraordinarily blessed with not only having the best the father in the world myself,  but I have the best father for my children.  I have been so lucky.  Not everyone gets this lucky.  Love your family and let them know it.

 

xoxo Meg

Stopping the Stigma – Let’s Talk Depression

This past week the world lost 2 visionaries.  Their creative sparks burned out at their own hand.  I feel like we are seeing this more and more .  People have committed suicide since time began, but It seems to be an epidemic as of late.

I have battled depression since I was a teenager.  I often refer to it as my darkness or my demon.  Honestly , what started my depression was just usual teenage bullshit.  I hated the way I looked and I always thought I was ugly.  I wasn’t the one that boys went after.  I always felt second best.  I never did anything amazing or Incredible.  I liked to write my morbid poetry , which I still like to do.

When I was 14 , I decided I had had enough.  What motivated  me in that moment, honestly, I don’t know.  But I woke up for school and decided to swallow somewhere around 50 asprins.  After I did it I immediately regretted it and woke my mother up to tell her I did something stupid.  Parent freak out ensued as it should have.  They rushed me to the hospital where I got my stomach pumped.  If you have never had it done before, it is not a process I recommend.  Its sucks .  Interestingly, the room I was in when I was in the hospital as a double room.  My roommate was a very large girl who was restrained at her wrists and ankles.  Now, I have no idea what she was there for, but her guardian with her kept saying ” you should not of done that to your sister with a wire hanger”.

I wanted out of there.  But since I was a dumbass and tried to kill myself , it doesn’t work like that .  They wanted to send me in an ambulance to a mental hospital.  I fought my parents about the ambulance and they ended up being able to drive me.

I was sent to McLean Hospital in Belmont MA.  The admissions building was beautiful.  It took forever.  Once I was checked in , I was taken to the unit I would be staying at .  Now remember how I just said that the admissions building was beautiful? Well the unit – not so much.  It was a run down building with a mix of troubled teens to kids with severe issues. I clearly remember walking down the hall to go to the bathroom and there were several rooms with doors open and all you could see was a kid and a mattress on the floor.  It got better – I get to my room and my room mate is very vocal about Not wanting a room mate.   It was at that my point my knight in shining armor saved me.  My dad , he told them I am not staying there and that place as not for me.  My parents had to sign all sorts of paperwork since I was leaving against doctor orders, but man am I glad they did.  I was grounded for a while, actually confined to the porch, but I was so glad not to be there.

I had to go to , well, I was already in therapy.  Once a week on Saturdays I had to go . My mother would bring me, then on the way home we would stop at Sanborns candies .  We used to joke that going there and getting truffles was my reward for being fucked up.

When my oldest baby was born, I was still a baby.  I got pregnant at 17 and when he was born I was 18.  Instant adult.  It was not easy and I had many dark days.  My husband and I had our ups and downs and I am not going to lie, there was definitely moments where I thought it would just be easier if I was not around.  I wanted to give my child the best life possible.  And here I am , mom of 3 amazing creatures , still feeling as though , I have not done a good job.

I used to think about killing myself all the time, to be honest.  Something dramatic.  But even after I did try and take my life, I felt like a failure, couldn’t even kill myself right.   I feel like my life has not been stress free but I suppose everyone out there could say the same.  As much as I would fantasize about ending it all, once I had kids, there was just no way I could ever do it.  When I got sick and as the days, weeks, month, now years went by and I was in constant pain and at the mercy of this nameless disease, I really had some dark days.

Now , more than ever, I try looking on the bright side.  My mother was such a positive force , she went through hell and back , and despite all of it, she was a always a positive beacon.  My biggest cheerleader was always my mom.  When I lost her, I feel like a piece of me went along with her.

I struggle with my demon every day.  Some days she stays asleep inside and some days she is a raging psycho bitch.  I try to find the balance.  Despite being almost 38 years old, I feel like the demon will always be a part of me and who I am . The good, the bad and the demon, I guess that is me.

It is frustrating .  I feel like lately I do need some professional help.  I called numerous doctors that my insurance approved and said were taking new patients, but for the life of me, I cannot get anyone to call me back.  This is the start of where the system for mental health in this country is amiss.  Most people do not even recognize that they need help.  And when we do reach out, there is no assistance.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America. Each year over 44,000 people in America take their own life.  Its incredible to me that this number is so large. Being depressed needs treatment, instead there is this stigma that being depressed is bad.   We need to accept that these demons exist within most of us and we need to seek help when they start to emerge.  Its not easy , but there is a better way .

For a list of Suicide statistics, click here

We need to stop this stigma and speak up when we see someone in need.  Be the positive change in this world.

If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out:

Remember , through every darkness the light is fighting its way though on the other side.