Reboot = Reignite = Rejuvenate

 

 

Reboot

Looking back on this year so far, and UGH.  UGH CITY.  In fact, I am THE MAYOR OF UGH CITY.   On one hand, I am pissed. So pissed at myself, for getting into all these funks and straying off my path and what I NEED to do.  I have not worked out nearly as much as I should, I have gained weight back, and I feel like shit.  I have had some legit reasons for not making all my classes, but still, it stinks.  I have made piss poor eating decisions which doesn’t help either.  I failed, badly.  Time to Reboot!

But…. Here’s the good part – the old Meg would of let all of these bumps and hiccups knock her down, and keep her off the path.  I am still here ! I am conscious of the now and what I need to do! I haven’t fallen completely off the wagon, I am still dangling ,dragging along the back .   So, on the other hand, this is the best I have ever done, stuck it out more than anything I have done before. I AM going to get back at it.

 

Reignite

I am back at it Wednesday this week – I have been out of the gym for a while due to the vertigo/ concussion symptoms I had.  Scary shit.  Doctor said no strenuous activity.  I am so excited to workout.  I seriously love working out, I love Cross Fit, I love my gym, I love my coaches, I love my community there.  The whole package is nothing but amazing.  It is such a great feeling after a killer WOD. Good Lord I miss it!!! I have reignited the flame that drove me.  I feel like I say this shit all the time, but for me, this is a constant process and constant journey.  So yeah, I am gonna say stuff this all the time, but that is just me keeping it real, like I tend to do.  This is real life.  Real ups and real downs,  at least that is what folks tell me they enjoy about my blog.

I always try, admittedly not as much as I should, but there are times, I try my damnedest.  I need to try harder for me.  I have goals and dreams and aspirations of who I want to be. What I want to be.  I know for certain, its not this current costume I am trapped in.  This reminds me of a poem I wrote back in 2011.

Adrift

Staring at the reflection in the mirror
The stranger she knows so well
the horrid eyes that look back
Her lids cannot shut fast enough
There is a person there, in there somewhere and she screams
Dear God does she scream
Misunderstood for so very long, she is stuck
The zipper on this clown suit is jammed and she is a prisoner
She tries to yell, to fight, to win
She is silent, she can’t move and she loses
Dying to win this fight
Aching to find the girl that was lost
APB’s and milk cartons are not cutting it
She cannot give up

I AM DYING TO WIN THIS FIGHT.  I AM ACHING TO FIND THE GIRL I LOST.  I WILL NOT GIVE UP!

You know I love writing my poetry.  Its such a release for me.  I don’t tend to share as much as I write.  I suppose cause I write for just myself and I don’t think others would get it… but then again, maybe they would.  I don’t know.  But I do know, in reading back some of my past poems, I have used that stuck zipper reference quite a few times.  See – I don’t belong in this body.  I need to fight my way out of it.

And don’t get me wrong, this body has carried 3 perfect, healthy, beautiful children.  There is something to be said for that I guess.  And there are some people who are perfectly happy to be larger, plus size, obese even.  Its all about what makes YOU happy.  Right now, this body is not where I am happy and I am going to fix it.

 

Rejuvenate

I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me for lack of a better term.  I know for certain I am a different person, than I was before .  I may not be taking the journey exactly as I had hoped, and it may be taking me way longer, and I may have taken 10 steps back, but I realize it.  This is something I never ever would of admitted or done before.  Like Ever.

 

So, here I am .

 

Back to the beginning it feels.

 

Determined to keep it going.  Determined to Keep Swimming. I still got some fight left in me 🙂

I hope you will continue following the journey with me .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a Year!

What a difference a year makes!

March 20th marked 1 year since I stepped in my gym.  1 year.  This anniversary is beyond special to me.  I have NEVER kept with any sort of fitness regimen for more than 2-3 months.  Ever.  This is a big deal.

When I made the decision to start working out, it was really by chance that I found my gym.  My friend told me about this class she took and said the first class was free.  I clearly remember my first class, we had double unders.  Being my first class, I had no idea what a double under was, but I could do single jumps.  It was those jumps that really opened my eyes.  I had such a hard time jumping rope.  I resorted to running with it like I was an elementary school kid on the playground.  It was embarrassing, but I wanted to do what I could.  That was the wake up call.  Who can’t jump rope?  I should of been able to do it, but I was so out of shape that there was just no way.  Now, I can do double unders! ( It has been a while, but I have done them!) It was there I made the decision to stick to it and it has been one of the best decisions of my life.

It saved my life.  If I kept going down that path, who knows where I would be, glad I didn’t find out.

I was a size 22/24 and climbing.  I am now a size 16!

I have lost 38 pounds!

Honestly, when I envisioned this milestone, I thought I would be this skinny little thing down 100 lbs.  Obviously, an unrealistic expectation.  I think I am doing just fine where I am and moving along.  I love working out and it has become part of my routine.  I crave it!

As corny as it sounds, I have grown so much as a person this year.  I am breaking old habits that derailed myself before.  This is just as important to me as the physical working out.  Especially for my kids to see.  I want my kids to see that I don’t give up.  I don’t want them to ever give up on something they believe in and what better example than myself?

It has been a journey of ups and downs.  I have progressed so much from where I started.  Hit goals .  And ran my first 5k.  A feeling that was so overwhelming I can’t even describe it.  I have run myself off track and crashed my wagon, but I got a new wagon and kept going instead of letting it end the journey.

I ” Just Keep Swimming”

” Just Keep Swimming” is such a simple phrase, but if you think about it, it means so much.  It keeps me going, these 3 simple words.  I cherish them!  They have become such a big part of this journey.  

In this first year I have had ups and downs, falls and tears, laughs and cheers.  It has been amazing.  I am so thankful for my support system who no matter what didn’t give up on me despite my track record of giving up on myself.  Who still tell me they are proud of me.  I am beyond grateful for my truly amazing coaches, Holly and Jane.  Their encouragement is mind blowing.  They make every class a joy I look forward to.  They have created a community full of compassionate, caring encouraging people that I am so grateful for.  My gym buddies – oh boy, these folks are the absolute best around.  Team Bad Ass! They inspire me to be better and do better – and they are hilarious!

And the blog community – you guys are awesome! It is so great to read everyone’s stories and the feedback we give each other.  We are pretty awesome!

It has been a great journey so far – good thing I am still on it.  I look forward to what the next year will bring.  And I will post some Progress updates soon too.

 

Here are some of my favorite pics from the past year  :

” Before ” March 2013

September 2013

Victorious at the lake!

My first 5 K!!!

 

 

 

How has the last year been for you? How is your journey going? I would love to read all about it!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time out of your day to read my rants and raves.  I am glad so many of us are sharing the same experiences.